Hi,<p>My girlfriend (L) and i have been seeing each other for almost five years now. We've been planning to get married, and have talked a great deal about our future together.<p>This past december, L started to spend more time with a male colleague at work. we've always been trusting and open, and i think it would be completely out of character for her to think about another man. She, however, started to keep her plans and time with her colleague hidden from me. When i ask her about her plans, she feels that i am being overbearing and intrusive--and i try and understand and empathize, but it just seems like asking her about her plans and life is a normal thing for her fiance to do, isnt it?<p>I felt somewhat comfortable with her new friend. Mostly, because i felt i wasnt getting my emotional needs like recreation, good conversation, and TIME. We had a discussion, and L startled herself by saying that she didnt feel the sameway about me anymore...and she didnt really know why.<p>That ofcourse confused me. This is when i read and share with L His needs, her needs. We talked about love busters(questionnaire) and our emotional needs. I realized that i had been doing a few love busters persistently, and i hadnt "heard" her cries to stop over the past 6-12 months.<p>So, in a moment of epiphany, i realized what made L unhappy, and stopped doing those love busters. Her emotional need for admiration was also lacking, in terms of respecting her wishes, not forcing an agreement upon her, and avoiding lecture like conversation.<p>When we talked about these emotional needs and busters, she told me she realized that after all this time of enduring the above punishment, she had been unhappier than appeared. And this is where her love was lost for me.<p>So we both agreed that this was something that was worth a significant effort. <p>I have tried very hard to work on the busters and needs, and, not to be immodest, but i think i have been an A student. But L's effort and work in this area has been a disappointment and a major hurt for me.<p>Her busters and enemies of conversation seem to come up...as often as before. I dont know how to ask her or tell her that this hurts my feelings, i.e. wihout telling her about a failure or mistake....<br>I say, "L, earlier you ignored my question about your plans on saturday, and that hurts me feelings. please be more respectful."<p>Unfortunately, my patience with her continuing busters and enemies of conversation has been running short. i've become jealous/irritated/whatever with her relationship with the male colleague,<br>i lash out sometimes and say, "...i'm sure you dont do these love busters (like yelling for no reason, ignoring questions she doesnt like) to your friend so and so..."<p>Kind of childish, eh? <br>I guess i really want her to remember how to love me. That's when she cared about my feelings and was simply nice to me.<p>We had a list of love busters between us, that we realized in December. And then all of a sudden, our wedding is off and the love is gone. Can you lose love for someone and not even know it?<br>I'm in love with L and I want to work on our relationship. We currently live together, and she's contemplating moving out. <p>any advice, on anything is appreciated.<p>
