dr. harley,<br> i must commend you on the series of books that you have developed. they are all insightful and direct but they are also ending my marriage. even as my wife and i nightly read through "his needs, her needs", i see the writing on the wall. <br>my wife and i have been married less than 2 years and for most of that time i have been unhappy in this marriage. She has an 11 year old son from another relationship. the unhappiness i feel has motivated me to tell continuing series of lies that leaves me wanting 2 vanish and leave this whole life behind me.<br>my wife and i met on the internet and your comments on internet marriage while very true, leaves me wondering if the more we study your books the closer we get to seperation. dr. harley, i think that your books offer great hope to some but for me, it has only pointed out all the mistakes in my marriage with little hope for salvation. i have nothing to say to my wife in hopes that we solve or repair the damage to our relationship. i am seeking counseling for myself but i fear that whatever help i receive will not help save my marriage. i have not had any affairs and have not considered such but this relationship represent a low point in my life at present. i do love my wife but that just does not seem to be enough....

mgayles,<p>So you now realize that your marriage isn't perfect, and that you're not perfect (or your wife).<p>There's nothing in these books that will end your marriage. What you need to do is to start treating your wife with honesty, with respect, and let her know how you feel. Same thing goes for her. If these books have pointed out the "mistakes" that you've made, then fix them. That doesn't mean divorce. It means ELIMINATE LOVEBUSTERS, MEET YOUR SPOUSES EMOTIONAL NEEDS, BE COMPLETELY HONEST, and SPEND TIME with your spouse.<p>If you two are reading the material jointly, I suggest that you attend a Family Dynamics marriagebuilding seminar (see the info on this website), or start counseling with Steve Harley (or another qualified counselor). You don't say much about your current situation, but there's little that would make me believe that it's truly hopeless.

I also aggree with your other response. Why do you feel there is not hope? If you love your wife, show her by not lying and everything else that goes along with it, remember the reasons you fell in love with her in the first place, I can honestly say I am a christian have been since 5 yrs ago. I had a one night stand and knew the momemt it happened I did it being selfish, because my needs weren't filled, since then I take it all to the Lord, he is the only one that will save your marriage, if you really want this to work out, pray: Lord I know I am a sinner, I ask that you cleanse me of all of my sins, come into my heart, I know you died on the cross for me, pray your marriage will change, and you will have a new love for your wife, just ask Him, get a King James Version bible, read the New Testament first. 1 Chorinthians ch. 13 is great for love. Yes, it will show you that you have made mistakes, which the bible calls sins. That is what you asked forgiveness for, that is all taken away start over clean, I am not saying this is easy, just saying that if you want the Lord to fix this you've got to try, being a christian is not easy but, this time <br>the devil can't make you feel your marriage is ending, the Lord is all powerful, he didn't make you because he likes to see people hurt he loves you and your wife, just ask Him into your life, I promise He is the only help you need, he made you he certainly knows everything you feel, think and know about you. Hang in there!<p>In Christ<br> <br>

I agree with your post. Ask the Lord for help in healing your marriage. You must have faith. I know from my own situation. I have asked the Lord to help heal my marriage. My husband is unwilling at the moment, but I know he will come around. I keep asking that he will open his heart and see what we have had all these years. After12 years of marriage, I know it is supposed to be or the Lord would have ended it long ago. Don't give up!! Best wishes.<p>Lisa

Well, I'm not a religious person, but I do firmly believe that if you DO truly love your partner, then there will always be a way to work things out. My husband and I have met with some terribly hard things to over-come. But, each of us have had the faith and drive to keep it moving along until we came up with some sort of way to talk it out. Be patient with yourself and her, and remember why you married her in the first place. Good luck!