Dr. Harley,<br>I am 26, left home at 17, I was physically and emotionally abused, I am a Christian now since 5 yrs. ago, I have a 7 yr. old, 2 yr. old and a 9mth old, I had a one night stand when my husband and I were married for 2.5 years, basically I wanted the feeling of feeling like I was his girlfriend again, I never went out with him, he always got to go hunting or whatever, I tried to tell him I need to spend time with you in so many ways, he just didn't understand, or didn't think it was important enough, so I basically got to where I didn't want to be around him, didn't want to look at him, I was going to leave him. Well, after that one night, I realized I made a HUGE mistake, I really did love him, I never talked to this other guy, I quit work, and dicided to devote everything I had to my husband and family, well it was rocky at first but soon it got wonderful, we were spending that time together meeting each others needs. Over time it's drifted back to the way it used to be, he says he doesn't know why I feel this way, ex.- He forgot my birthday, I told him it made me feel unloved, uncared for, he says it's just a day, then we had our 9th anniversary yesterday, we go out to dinner like we have been, I think women tend to think there will be something different on their anniversary, well, he says the nights not over,(leaving me to believe, that he has something special) so I fall asleep on the couch while he was talking to everyone, it's 11:45pm he wakes me up and says he has something for me, it's a card he printed out the last minute, tell me if that doesnt' make me feel special, so I say well a massage would be nice, so he says "I was planning on doing that." So in my mind, I think when 12 in the morning. I can't get him to understand that what's impotant to me, might not be important to him and my needs are going to be different and he should meet them in my love language not his. Anyways, I am very frustrated and don't know what to do anymore, he always gets my hopes up, that things will get better and they don't. SO, what should I do?<p>In desperate need of MAJOR communication,<br>Melissa

I know how you feel - I, too, have had 6 of those anniversarys - nothing. Not even taken out to dinner. But, last year he made me a card on the computer too!! How impressive. I don't know how to tell you to handle it - I have become "numb" after talking to him about it - it doesn't change "his" feelings for those being just "days" either. I make them special for him (for my own sake and the kids too) and feel good about it and just ignore the rest. I know its not the best way, but I have just had to hide and forget about the hurt feelings. It does no good to have them and I just try to believe that his feelings about those days are different than mine and I have to respect that. Good luck!

You should grateful that you have a husband who has been faithful. Forgetting an anniversary is not the same as having a one night affair. Instead of being critical and putting him on the defensive open up a dialogue with him. There may be reasons for not remembering. He may have worries about his job or money. He may not be healthy. If he is on medication it may be causing him to forget things. Best wishes