My husband has been actively pursuing prostitues for the last 4<br> years (we were married 6) I found out because he had given me 2<br> veneral diseases, and I then found ordered the local phone bills and<br> did a history on the internet and started to receive strange phone<br> calls. My H did this while I traveled while he was working (he is a<br> treasurer at a fortune 500 comapny) and he says he started it when<br> I was close to death with a pulmonary embolism and hospitalized. I<br> have been ill for a while and had been immuno comprimised by the<br> illness as well as chemo. My husband was the ideal loving model<br> husband who everyone adored and envied. I beleived in him to the<br> nth degree! He was my everything lover partner brother family best<br> friend .....????? How could he have lead this dual life? He has never<br> been forthcoming about his activities and continues to lie to me<br> depite my sending him page after page on the pivitol point of<br> honesty if there will be an hope for our recovery. I claims he has<br> not "done it" since June ..when we seperated..I don't belive anyting<br> anymore evertime he lies it just makes evrything worse. Any time<br> we come across a women in her early twenties that is th eopposite<br> of me ..I am blonde blue eyed and fair skinned ..he gets all<br> nervouswhich at this point I have zero tolernace for. I am ready to<br> callit quits ...he says he desperately wants to save the marriage<br> and yet he is so defensive at times. He presents himself as the<br> model Catholic sort of a sophisticated boyscout...How could I have<br> been so fooled for so long? I have known him 12 years? He stole<br> money out of my accounts and would cash in my medical<br> reimbursemnt checks for his women. Mind you this is a man that<br> before the discovery date, never looked at another women at least<br> not in my presence! He would put other men down who did ...but in<br> a very nice way...he is such a good sweet , gentile gentleman<br> noone can belive this has happened. Th eproblem is its finnaly<br> reality time for me. I am starting to believe it! I see the adds (we<br> live in NYC) abnd I am disgusted. He was so consumed with my<br> health all of the time, sent me flowers evry time I went away and<br> many times just for the heck of it. he was always leaving me love<br> leters and telling me how much he loved me more and more each<br> day. Is this man crazy, split personality or a very skilled deceiver?<br> Could he have really cared for me and done all of these things? I am<br> trying to make a big decision here..I love him dearly, but I cannot<br> live with myself being with him......what a dilema...please any words<br> of advice or ideas

I am so sorry. This is tough. Some people would say that there were signs of his character flaws in the past and you didn't notice them-or refused to; but, I happen to feel that there are circumstances where the innocent spouse is completely knocked off her feet in disbelief. I think you are most likely one of these cases. Could he have cared? Well, when one decieves another it is done with premeditated effort and planning, thus the deception is successful and since your main concern had to be your health (rightly so) then the wool was certainly pulled over your eyes. I'm sure that a lot of responses will advise you to gather strength from the Infidelity section, heaven knows the local Barnes & Noble has ton of advice: "How to love your partner although he slept with your best friend", "Hope for after the trust is spit on, the heart is broken & the vows are shattered" You get the idea (and ofcourse I'm exaggerating, only a bit) Bottom line is there is great advise out there if you decide on that route, but I'd like to say: there is definitly something to be said about announcing to your H: You crossed the line. You went way over. I'm devastated beyond words and I deserve better, good-bye. You get the idea. Either way, only you can decide. Best wishes for whichever road you choose to travel.

I am so sorry. This is tough. Some people would say that there were signs of his character flaws in the past and you didn't notice them-or refused to; but, I happen to feel that there are circumstances where the innocent spouse is completely knocked off her feet in disbelief. I think you are most likely one of these cases. Could he have cared? Well, when one decieves another it is done with premeditated effort and planning, thus the deception is successful and since your main concern had to be your health (rightly so) then the wool was certainly pulled over your eyes. I'm sure that a lot of responses will advise you to gather strength from the Infidelity section, heaven knows the local Barnes & Noble has ton of advice: "How to love your partner although he slept with your best friend", "Hope for after the trust is spit on, the heart is broken & the vows are shattered" You get the idea (and ofcourse I'm exaggerating, only a bit) Bottom line is there is great advise out there if you decide on that route, but I'd like to say: there is definitly something to be said about announcing to your H: You crossed the line. You went way over. I'm devastated beyond words and I deserve better, good-bye. You get the idea. Either way, only you can decide. Best wishes for whichever road you choose to travel.

I am so sorry. This is tough. Some people would say that there were signs of his character flaws in the past and you didn't notice them-or refused to; but, I happen to feel that there are circumstances where the innocent spouse is completely knocked off her feet in disbelief. I think you are most likely one of these cases. Could he have cared? Well, when one decieves another it is done with premeditated effort and planning, thus the deception is successful and since your main concern had to be your health (rightly so) then the wool was certainly pulled over your eyes. I'm sure that a lot of responses will advise you to gather strength from the Infidelity section, heaven knows the local Barnes & Noble has ton of advice: "How to love your partner although he slept with your best friend", "Hope for after the trust is spit on, the heart is broken & the vows are shattered" You get the idea (and ofcourse I'm exaggerating, only a bit) Bottom line is there is great advise out there if you decide on that route, but I'd like to say: there is definitly something to be said about announcing to your H: You crossed the line. You went way over. I'm devastated beyond words and I deserve better, good-bye. You get the idea. Either way, only you can decide. Best wishes for whichever road you choose to travel.