Its been almost 5 months since my wife and I began this emotional separation. For the first time, my wife, who stated her feelings for me changed and didn't know if she loved me enough to stay married, wants to sit down and talk things out. During these past five months, she asked for "time and space."<p>I have read most of the books by Dr. H, and my wife knows that I have been working on changes for myself. We have had a history of ups and downs for almost all our married life of 5 years.......and I think I have found the reasons why.<p>My question is, how do I get my wife to understand what I have learned without "pushing her or moving too fast?" She has asked for this sit down....and she will return from a business trip next Friday. She wants to talk on the weekend.<p>She has indicated a desire to work things out............but still refuses counseling. And all we have are the books....."Love Busters.....His/Her Needs....and Give and Take." How do I get her to take the "Questionaires"..........I refuse to push and pressure her...but my life has been on virtual hold for five months..........I want this marriage to work, more than anything else!<p>Ant suggestions?????

Sean, the best way to "tell" your wife what you've learned is to actually show her instead. It is absolutely true that actions speak louder than words. In addition, I would recommend a few other books to read: "Divorce Busting" by Michele Weiner-Davis, and "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. I think you might find her more amenable to reading the last one than any other. It is easy reading and very interesting, as well as being very similar to the "emotional needs" of Dr. Harley.<p>You cannot force her to do the questionnaires, but I wouldn't push yours on her until she has discussed her own answers with you. Suggest that the questionnaires might give you common ground to begin working on your relationship.<p>Also, do not think of your life as having been "on hold" for the past 5 months - you have been learning and growing during that time, so it has been of some value. Think positively, act positively - that's half the battle!<p>terri

Sean, I am in the same situation as you...somewhat. My husband walked out on me and our 2 boys, ages 4 and 6, five weeks ago. Said he needed "time and space". He is in question of his love for me. Has NO desire at this point to want to try and resolve things. And never informed me of these feelings he was having for several months. I too can see where I am partly responsible for his leaving. I have been reading Dr. Harley's, 'Give and Take' and will start 'His Needs, Her Needs' next. This has shown me where my faults are. I am willing to show him change and assure him that his return to our home and family will be different if given the chance. He says he can't take that chance right now. He feels it will only change temporarily and we will be back to the same old us. He says he is much happier right now, and returning home would make him unhappy again. HELP HELP HELP Is there ANYTHING I can do?????