My H has decided he needs time to think things through. We happen to have a summer place and he's opened it up and staying there <br>for awhile. I've told our children about him not being home and of course they're all upset. (They all live elsewhere on their own)<br>They've been in contact with their dad and 2 of the 3 have seen him, talked with him and don't have answers just as I don't. My question is this - after having read several of Dr. Harley's books - how do I get him to come and sit down and just sort things through and talk to me why he feels so distant and not sure of our relationship (we've been married 30+ years)- I've told him his home and I are waiting for him and it's up to him. After all of this I still love him and want to give our marriage a chance to succeed. But it takes 2 - I'm seeing a counselor and he's seen one twice with the thought that he won't be going back. Again, how can we get together to talk about things if he's living in one spot and I'm in another. I have asked him and am waiting for his answer. Any ideas out there?

I really feel for you. <p>I don't know what to say except that it is up to him to come back on his own. You can't pressure him. If you do, he may just feel there is even LESS of a reason to come back.<p>There has to be something in your relationship that led him to walk away. Did you neglect his needs? Did you act selfishly? Have you withdrawn sex from him? Have you blamed him for things?<p>Well...I suggest you think about the relationship and what led him to leave. There had to be a reason. If you find the reason on your own and go to him with it, saying that you will work on it, he would come back quicker than if you keep asking him what the problem is. <p>He wants to feel that you care about him, and that you acknowledge the problem that was there. If you can find it on your own, he may believe that you really do care and recognize it as a shortcoming in your relationship that needs to be worked on.<p>Well, good luck.<p>Let us know how it goes.