> Hi. I am presently in San Diego, CA in the Navy as a reserve called to<br>>> active duty. Prior to my<br>>> departure, I explained to my son, age 13 that I was being called to<br>>> active duty for abut 6 months. I<br>>> asked him if he wanted me to make the arrangements to fly him to see me<br>>> and would could drive<br>>> home together. He seemed excited about this opportunity. He was<br>>> concerned that his mother may<br>>> not allow this.<br>>><br>>> This past year was a difficult year, as I just completed a custody<br>>> study. The pschologist involved<br>>> testified that we are both "good parents", but said the mother does not<br>>> want this child to visit me, but<br>>> did not state a reason. My son is aware of this. In fact, the last<br>>> thing my ex-wife said at the hearing<br>>> was a request for me to terminate parental rights. My son said they had<br>>> asked him if they should as<br>>> me this and he stated, no as he knew he would not be able to see me<br>>> anymore. I realize he wants<br>>> to be loyal to both of us, but is influenced primarily where he lives<br>>> most of the time. I know he wants<br>>> to be close to me and I feel like I am letting him down, by having him<br>>> being put in the middle to<br>>> decide on his visits, they were only once per month. He is just<br>>> starting the adolescent stage, but still<br>>> wants to "cuddle." He is really neat. I had gone back to court to show<br>>> the court all of the visitation<br>>> violations over the years. I had allowed my two older children, now age<br>>> 21 and 19 to decide to visit<br>>> once they reach age 14, now that my youngest is close to that age, I<br>>> tried to show the court the<br>>> problems with this. I wante to alleviate any guilt feelings my youngest<br>>> my feel, I thought I would try<br>>> to get an order to age 18 so the youngest would not have to deal with<br>>> the loyalty issue. This did not<br>>> work. I was denied my request and he can choose at age 14. He said he<br>>> would visit once he<br>>> reaches age 14. I had recently sent him a letter with ideas of what to<br>>> see upon our return trip to<br>>> Wisconsin for his 2 week June visit. He sent me a letter and stated, he<br>>> was "not going to go" on this<br>>> trip, had a track meet to participate in and for me not to "bug" him<br>>> about it. It seemed clear, his<br>>> mother dictated this letter to him. I do not want to put him in the<br>>> middle of this. My son can be<br>>> held accountable for his wittings too. My two older children claim,<br>>> they can not see me at their<br>>> discretion. Last Thanksgiving my 19 year old said he was not allowed to<br>>> go outside to greet me as<br>>> his mother would not allow him out of the house. I did confront him and<br>>> said I was hurt and he was<br>>> not living in "prison", but is he? He said, "Dad, you do not know what<br>>> my consequences will be, I<br>>> am home all weekend." At times I want to write a letter to my ex-wife<br>>> explaining to her that this is<br>>> only hurting the children. But she would know it is hurting me too,<br>>> something she apparently wants<br>>> to do. My 19 year old just graduated from high school, June 1998 and<br>>> she told him I was not<br>>> getting an invitation as I did for his sister's graduation 2 years<br>>> earlier, because of what I was putting<br>>> their family through this past year (custody study.) As I stated<br>>> earlier, when the psychologist<br>>> testified in court that she knew the mother did not want the children to<br>>> see me, she said she did not<br>>> know why, but that she felt my youngest was strong enough to stand up to<br>>> her when he wanted to<br>>> visit. This is not happening and I knew he would not be strong enough.<br>>> I realize I can not control<br>>> anyone, but I know time is going by and if I do not see my son for<br>>> visits I feel our relationship will<br>>> deteriote. Every summer we do special things and I thought having him<br>>> flown to see me and then see<br>>> all the sites on our way back home would be once in a life-time<br>>> adventure. We did this last June for<br>>> his two week visit and he adjusted his schedule accordingly.<br>>><br>>> Question:<br>>><br>>> Is there anything that I can do to stop the anger my ex-wife and I are<br>>> experiencing. She has been<br>>> remarried over 8 years. She simply does not want me to have a<br>>> relationship with our children. This<br>>> has caused stress to my present marriage of 11 years.<br>>><br>>> Should I just let go and write him letter and tell him I am here for<br>>> him and leave it at that? I think at<br>>> times, because he is a minor I need to be the leader and would be giving<br>>> up on our time together.<br>>><br>>> My e-mail address is Wilson2828@hotmail.com.<br>>><br>>> Thanks for reading this long e-mail. I do appreciate your insight. I<br>>> heard about your organization<br>>> when I was listening to my radio on the way to San Diego. Thanks and<br>
