My husband told me 4 months ago that he didn't know whether he loved me anymore. He is still here, but he says that the times he has been "nice" it was a cover to keep me happy. He has never been a communucator so everything is still a little shocking for me. We have been married for two years, and have a two year old. My mother lives with us and she has a terminal case of cancer. I also started college last semester, and you can imagine how that is right now. He goes back and forth with his actions. Sometimes "there", and sometimes "not there" if you know what I mean. It's like night and day constantly. I feel that although he says he doesn't love me, it is just a matter of unresolved prboems that have built up, on top of all the other stresses in our life. In the beginning he even made plans to move far away (the day after he told me). We had always had an affectionate marriage, and I am a christian woman with alot of faith. My olny problem is knowing how much to say and not to say (my nagging is also a part of his turmoil). God has changed me tremendously (although he doesn' really know it fully). But I have noticed that anything that happens that can push us together, he keeps a far distance. It's like he's fighting it. Any suggestions? I still love him very, very much, despite what my eyes see.

I think the book Divorce Bustin by Michele Weiner-Davis might have suggestions you could apply to your situation. You do sound like you have a complicated and stressful life. Maybe your H does not see that all this is not necessarily "normal" for married life and can't see that it won't last forever. Good luck.

Hi:<p>Things are difficult for you. I had a grandma who lived with us when we were kids and my Mom had a terrible time with it! If your H is confused reading a Christian articel may help. Please go to this site and print men's section for your H and the women's for yourself. Good luck. My wife and I are separated after 16+ yrs. and two beautiful daughters now 10, and 15. My wife resents anything I ask her to read and procrastinates any counseling. My 15 yr. old is using the separation as a tool to control Mom and ignore me. I keep loving them all. I believe I have won back my younger daughter. We are friends like never before. There is hope. PLse. go to site www.sigler.org/roach<p>Gary

Thank you Gary for your reply. I appreciate that site as well. I only looked over the reading, but I think that it will be a big help, I can't seem to find a section for men and woman. It's all pretty general. Am I at the right location. They just give articles written by three people. Thanks again. I'm glad to here about your relationship with your daughter. Just keep showing them as much love as possible. Love can overcome more than we givwe it credit for. Talk to your older. I think about my son all the time, and how he would be if DH left. He screams now when his father or I leave him. He is very dependemt emotionally on us both. I don't think my H understands just what he's doing. His parents were together his whole life. I know what it's like. My parents were always back and forth until Mom and I got our own place six years ago. I am putting God first in all my endeavers .

edited<P><p>[This message has been edited by HollyAnn (edited July 07, 1999).]

Hello, One question, do you have kids? Because if children are in the picture it makes matters worse x 10. Try to keep the discussion between you and your husband. Remember, you both loved eachother at one point in time, and it's allways possible to love each other again. Anything is worth working out. Even if it's loving somebody again. You never realy stop loving somebody deep down inside, but the outward showing of these feelings may not exist because of sertain conditions. Try to meet his needs. Be compationate, and understanding. The key to overcoming an argument is not starting one at all. Look at his side of the picture and clearly but calmly state your side also. Make it fun talking to eachother. It shouldn't be a battle. It's worth savoring a marraige rather than throwing good memories to waste, when all you need is a little understanding a loving communication. If you fullfill his needs and wants out of the relationship, he will surely return to your needs and wants if he's compationate at all. But that's just a few things. Good luck.<BR>-Nathan