I have been going round and round with my husband for years on the correct ways to argue, I know there are going to be arguments, all couples have them. But when I get into an argument with my husband over the kids , house, money, ect, He always seems to resort to cussing, name calling, and down right rudeness. I am really trying with him. I realize he has a temper, and I really try to keep the comments (he would consider nagging) our of the picture.But when something really bothers me, that I think would be damaging to the well being of our children. Then I speak up. I realize we all make mistakes, and I tell him that, but we can never have an argument with out him getting very loud, and using awfull words. <br>when he does this, I feel very disrespected. I lose site of the reasons we were arguing for in the first place , and only focas on the fact that he called me a name or cursed at me in front of my kids.( which I feel is damaging to the kids as well) Most of the time.. My husband will come to me the next day, and say he was sorry for acting the way he did, and things seem ok, for a while , untill the next disagreement we have. <br>I really feel that in a marriage, two people should be able to argue and work out their conflict together, even if there is a little shouting, eventually , both get heard , and you come to some kind of aggreement. I am a more layied back person, and when I argue, I try to listen to the other person, even if I dont agree, I rarley yell, and almost never curse. I feel I have the utmost respect for my husband , and it would be disrespectfull , for me to call names at him. I wouldnt want to do that to someone I love.. Every time we get into an argument, I feel as if he does not really love me, the way I love him.. Does anyone have any advise on how I can get my husband to resolve conflict with a more constructive approch. Are problems never seem to get resolved because he avoids them with the yelling and the cursing.Its almost like he could care less about what I have to say .. I really do love my husband and I know that he wants to do better, Im trying every thing. Thanks Mary .

\<p>[This message has been edited by HollyAnn (edited July 07, 1999).]

Thank You very much for responding to my letter. I was glad to get some insite, or should I say someone else opinion. My husband is going to councleing , and has been going for some time know, he is learning a lot about anger , and how to handle his. I have to say that he has imporved , since he started going,but the other night is when we had an argument and I got up set with the way he spoke to me.. I told he, " rember what the counsler said , Honey", and he said, ( in the heat of the argument) I don't care what she say's. Needless to say, I know he did not mean that. It's just that I think It is taking to long , and my patiants is whereing thin, trying to deal with this.. He is not like this all the time. And I think that is based on the fact that he is learning. <br>The book you suggested sounds great, and I will read it, for my own sanity. He did apolagize for the name calling the other night, and said he was so sorry . ( I think he told his counsler what happened, and she opened his eyes.) But the fact of the matter is, the concsler wont be around for ever, and she is never there when we argue. So I am sitting on a cannon, untill he learns a more constructive way ,or approuch to arguing. I have demanded respect from my husband at some point, and I will never forget his response, He said" You are never happy, you always want your way" <br>We are all in a state of learning , all our lives, its how much we get out of something, weather or not we change are behaviours. Thanks for listening, You were a big help.. Mary

\<p>[This message has been edited by HollyAnn (edited July 07, 1999).]

Holly ann<br>Wow, I have to say that is about the best advise I have ever goten. You really know how to make a point, and I have learned a lot from you . That last part of your letter about , you can't demand respect you have to earn it, about say's it all. I seem to always give in to his temper because I don't want it to go any further,I think I send the messege that I am scared, and so it works for him, but by doing what you have suggested , I think will really let him know how I am feeling. I thank you again, for your great advise and God bless you .

Holly ann<br>Wow, I have to say that is about the best advise I have ever goten. You really know how to make a point, and I have learned a lot from you . That last part of your letter about , you can't demand respect you have to earn it, about say's it all. I seem to always give in to his temper because I don't want it to go any further,I think I send the messege that I am scared, and so it works for him, but by doing what you have suggested , I think will really let him know how I am feeling. I thank you again, for your great advise and God bless you .