My h and I have been married four years, all of them have been spent overseas. We've tackled a number of huge life challenges since getting married. At last, some of them seemed to be subsiding, and within three months, we were separated. We have no mutual friends, we're critical of one another, we both desired to go out, but not with each other, and we spent our Friday /Saturday nights eating junk food in front of the TV. I know a lot of our problems stem from living overseas, but what can I do now? We decided to separate to decide what to do, and get a more objective view on the relationship. It's been two weeks since I moved into my new apartment, and one week since we talked. We decided that we'd talk every 7-10 days. We also decided that no matter who we see during this time, we would never, never mention it to the other. I'm uncomfortable with this, because (if we get back together) I'll always wonder about the other relationships, but I agreed to it. Even if we get back together, I know it won't be fun at first, because we have no mutual friends to do anything with. I know he went on a date with a coworker, which means I can never be included in those friends, no matter what. I'm so angry and hurt. How could this happen? I wouldappreciate any advice, especially advice that is based on Harley or Dobson, etc. Or even your own experience. How far does one go for marriage? <BR>M

Well, first of all, the separation is not going to be a healthy move for restoring your marriage to happiness. About seven months ago, my husband and I separated, but only briefly, six days to be exact. Our marriage was alot like yours, we had no mutual friends, we barely had anything in common except the fact that we both liked to rent videos. In fact, to this day, we are together however, we are having difficulties with his friends.<BR>Living apart from your husband is only going to tempt him to be with other women. That is why I begged and pleaded my husband to come home as soon as possible because I knew the longer we were apart, the more likely it would be that he would resume relationships with someone else, which only makes things more complicated.<BR>Secondly, if separation is something you BOTH feel is right, you must seek counseling while you are separated in order to find out where you two stand. If salvaging the marriage is something you both want, I recommend that you both enroll in the next HIS NEEDS, HER NEEDS seminar being offered in your area. I have heard stories of people, my self included, who were either divorced or on the brink of divorce, and this 8-week seminar not only turned their marriages around, but brought the couples closer together. One couple was even re-married!<BR>You must communicate with your husband daily!No 7-10 day waiting period, this is not a high-school relationship, this is a life time commitment that should be taken seriously. I want your marriage to survive, just like I want mine too.<BR>If you can, try to get your husband to agree to moving in together, because it is even harder for a marriage to survive when your apart. Hopefully, he hasn't had an extra-marital affair, but if he has, that can also be worked through, as you will find as you read "HNHN".<BR>I will pray for you, and you call your husband right now, and start acting like a married couple. Get counseling NOW!<BR>You go as far as you need to to save your marriage. I admit, sometimes it is easier to just throw in the tile, but if you leave during the bad times, you wont be there to enjoy the good times. Life is lonely, and empty, as I am sure you know by now, without someone to share it with.<BR>