Before my husband and I got married 3 months ago, we lived together for about a year. I was already living there when he moved in and as a result all of the bills were in my name. I also continued to pay the bills until he got a job in the city we now lived in. I added him to my bank accounts so that he could withdraw and deposit money at his leisure. We attended marriage counselling at our church for 10 weeks and came to the agreement that he would manage our family's bank account. Ever since our marriage he has rationed me out money. I don't like that. I have mentioned to him about getting separate personal accounts and maintaining the joint family account. When I told him that the amount of the allowance was not the problem but the feeling I received from that was the problem he jumped to the conclusion that I just didn't want to receive money from him and that we should have one account with one ATM card and one check book.<P><BR>I'm very frustrated and I need some advice as to how to resolve this conflict. Should I continue to get allowances or should I just open my own account in private?<P>~~~ frustrated newlywed.<P>------------------<BR>"I Can Do ALL Things Through Christ Which Strengthens me."<BR>Phil 4:13

Hi Frustrated Newlywed:<BR>I would not advocate keeping secrets in a relationship. I feel, you need to tell your H your feelings, I feel .... As a financial point, I suggest it is a good idea to have a biweekly budget (every two weeks) or as often as you get paid. The bills should be paid in a priority order and number one is to both of you. You need to tell your H how much money you would like each pay period, especially if you both have decided that that will be one of his roles in a relationship. Paying bills can be rewarding, but a pain for those who do not want to do it. Having two separate checking accounts to pay the bills does work, but they should be paid in accordance to the income generated by each member. For example, if either one of you makes more than the other you can decide the percentages or what bills should be paid by each party. Having one joint checking for joint bills is a good idea with each person contributing equally to the account for the bills. Please keep in mind, do not allow money to be a wedge in your relationship. Yes, bills need to be paid, but so do both of you. You have worked hard to get paid, enjoy it and reward yourselves. You both will get along much better. Good Luck. JW

Thanks JW for the advice. We have decided to have a joint family account where all of our bills are paid out of that account. And we have agreed that I will have a separate account for my personal expenses. I hope this works but I don't want him to feel that I don't trust him I just need this sense of individualism. <P>Thanks again<BR>~~~frustrated newlywed<P>------------------<BR>"I Can Do ALL Things Through Christ Which Strengthens me."<BR>Phil 4:13