My husband & I have been married for almost 24 years. Over the last 10 years he has been verbally abusive, i.e., "I hate you, I can't stand you, you are a worthless piece of ****, etc. On good days, he is sweet as pie. Is there hope for this marriage? He said that I needed counselling, that I was the crazy one. I did see a counselor for 2 years and found out that it is not me. I had no self-esteem before, but after counselling, I went on to become a paramedic which I can say saved my life. I have gained so much joy and satisfaction from helping others and knowing how much they appreciate what I do for them has done wonders for me. My husband is a physician and works many hours. We do have good days although it may be few. I know he is very concerned about his mental status when he is treating patients so drugs or alcohol abuse has been eliminated. But many times he would start a fight making me think there might be someone else. However, when he is not working he is always home. He works in an emergency room where the doctors are assigned specific shifts, so I know he isn't out and about folling around and when I do call him, he is always there. However, I have had my doubts in the past about his faithfulness. Sometimes his verbal abuse is more then I can handle.<p>[This message has been edited by CODE1701 (edited 03-19-99).]

What is it that triggers his rages? could he have some sort of emotional disorder or could he be partaking in any kind of substance abuse? That kind of talk is very hard to take, and over long periods of time can wear on your own self-esteem. You may even start to question whether he's right and that think maybe you are worthless... but you are NOT. Have you been to counseling? If not, try to get him to go with you, if he won't, go by yourself.<P>Just remember this one... just because someone says you are a chair does not mean you are a chair. Replace the word chair with anything else, and the sentence is still true.

Check out the my posts in the "verbal abuse" string under the emotional needs forum. I don't like the way he's talkng to you either. But ther's that label. VERBAL ABUSE! Oh, my god! So you'll just withdraw, turn and run? What's going on with him? What have you talked about?