I can't decide whether to have a third child or not. My wife desperately wants another and the last four months have been getting more and more difficult. She says I will never be ready and I would only want another one for her and not for me. Her time clock is also running and my kids are now 5 and 3. I really don't know what I want. I was pushed into have a second child when I wasn't ready which wrecked havoc on our marriage for a while. After some counseling things got a lot better and I love both my kids to pieces. I would be a lot more ready and willing to have another if it weren't for the lack of sex I feel in our marriage which gets far worse when she's been pregnant and especially for the first year after our children were born. I don't know if I can deal with the amplified feelings of neglect again. For all the time in our marriage I've always wanted sex 4 times a week but she only wants it once or twice. I often feel neglected because I don't feel my needs are being met. She says she's just not in the mood more than once/twice a week. When we were dating it was a lot more often. The other issue is a financial one although not detrimental in any way it's just another concern to add to my emotional pressures. She has already given me ultimatums because of her age (37) and I'm still feeling unsure and insecure as to how a 3rd child will affect our marriage. How can we resolve this/these issue(s)? How can I figure out whether I want another? Thank you.

mikeb<P>I suggest that you and your wife get back into counseling, preferrably with someone who is familiar with the marriagebuilders principles. You said that when you were in counseling things got a lot better: you probably should get back into it to finish "learning" the habits and behaviors for a good marriage.<P>She's given you an ultimatum? A selfish demand. What's she going to do if you don't comply? Definitely a lovebuster. <P>This sounds like a very good time for you to practice a couple of marriage builder concepts. First is the rule of complete honesty: you both have to learn to be honest with each other with both positive and negative information. You need to encourage honesty by not responding with lovebusters (anger, disrespect, and demands). Having stated the problem, you have the opportunity to solve it using the Policy of Joint Agreement:<P>Never do anything without a mutually enthusiastic agreement between you and your spouse.<P>It seems your concerns are that your need for sex isn't being fulfilled, and that your wife is using lovebusters to get her way.<P>Your wife wants another child, and I'm sure that you have deficiencies in meeting her needs as well.<P>You should sit down and negotiate this: come up with a plan that sounds good to both of you.<P>There's lots of information on this website, and in the books Give and Take, HN/HN, and Lovebusters. I suggest that you read it, and then get the help of a counselor to put it into practice.