I posted a message recently about my husband who has left the home and filed for divorce. This man is a giver, never ask much for himself and has completely withdrawn from his marriage in I think an attempt to finally take care of his needs. I did as I was advised and told him that I would let him go, that I would not judge him and that I truly wanted him to be happy even if it meant being without me. Yea Right!!!<P>In the last week or so there is some communication between the two of us, not exactly what I would like but I guess it is better than nothing. We talked yesterday about our children and he even showed some interest in an upcoming surgery that I am having. We have also talked about the divorce and I don't think he really realizes what all it will involve. I had to file a counter complaint against his original complaint. It includes 24 interrogatories that will have to be answered under oath. He seems very frustrated about this and ask couldn't we come to some sort of agreement between the two of us to make this easier and less expensive. Now this is what I'm confused about, if I work with him to make it easier and I might add faster, want I be cutting my nose off to spite my face. How do I tell him yes you can have your freedom and then drag my feet as far as the divorce is concerned. He is so easily angered these days and I'm just as confused as he seems to be. What do I do? This man says he loves me but has to have a divorce, do I make it easy on him or do I delay it as long as I can?<P>Cathy

Cathy,<P>Well, it's a little too late for this, but I disagree with HollyAnn's advice on the issue of divorce.<P>I was faced with a similar situation with my wife. She would ask me to file. I told her that I loved her, wanted her to be happy, and would do anything it took---short of DIVORCE.<P>Never agree to something you don't like: that's summarized in the Policy of Joint Agreement<P>Never lie to your spouse: it violates the Rule of Honesty.<P>If your husband is not having an affair, I suggest that you say that you've rethought this issue, and you don't want a quick divorce. That you want a chance to meet his needs, and that if he's willing, you're ready to work on the marriage. If he's not, then I suggest that you bring up some alternatives, like separation with "dating" phased in, or separation with no contact.<P>This will probably make him angry. Apologize for changing your mind. Discuss the Policy of Joint Agreement with him and apply it to his unilateral decision to divorce. Try to come up with alternatives. Try to figure out what he wants, and then come up with ways to meet those needs.

\<p>[This message has been edited by HollyAnn (edited July 07, 1999).]

\<p>[This message has been edited by HollyAnn (edited July 07, 1999).]