I am losing my husband because over our seven year marriage I have lied to him about six times (about money) and hit him when I was angry. It hadn't happened for a long time, but it did last week and he told me that he was leaving. He said my only hope of him coming back is if he is unhappy away from his family. He loves our children and still loves me, but I have hurt him and he is angry and doesn't trust me to change. He has threatened to leave before but I guess I just didn't think he would want to leave me. I was wrong, and now faced with the reality of him leaving, I WANT TO CHANGE and WILL CHANGE. But how can I get him to see these changes once he has moved out. What if he is happy? I don't want to lose this man, he is a wonderful husband. I am going to counseling alone and have turned to God for help with being a better and honest person. We both still love each other, but I'm not sure he'll ever want to give me another chance. Help, I need advice on how to prove to him that I CAN and WILL change.

When it comes to change, here's the bottom line: "Actions speak louder than words." Each of us have the "ability" to make certain changes in ourselves. The question is weather or not we "allow" ourselves to complete the process that creates the change we desire. <P>Dishonesty and physical abuse are changes that will not occur until you truly dedicate yourself to dealing with the issues that are underlying. Remember, every problem has a catalyst, or center, it revolves around. It's not enough to treat the symptoms, you must cure the disease! Have you asked yourself why you feel as though you can not be truthful with your husband about finances? Your first step to regaining his trust is bridging whatever communication barrier is in place. <P>Physical abuse is a psychologically driven problem that manifests itself in a tangible manner. You're allowing an emotional response to an inner problem be vented in a physical way. What are you "really" angry about and who are you "really" angry at? I warn you now, these are questions that will force you to face things that you have hidden inside yourself for a long time. You will have to somehow find the courage to identify, accept the existance of, and deal with each underlying issue that makes up the catalysts of your problems. Until then you will not be a "whole" person and continue to push away those that love you.<P>An important part of any relationship's problem-solving process is allowing the people that love you to be a part of the solution. Talk to your husband about your problems so that "everyone effected is in the loop." But remember what I said about actions speaking louder than words.<P>If you identify the underlying problems, decide on a course of corrective action to take, and complete the processes to making the changes you want, then you should find the answers you are looking for.

\<p>[This message has been edited by HollyAnn (edited July 07, 1999).]

HollyAnn<BR>What if he is truly happier when he leaves? I have two children I feel like I am an emotional disaster area. I know they need me now and I am trying my best, but there are days that I just don't function well. I don't let my husband see this. He knows that I hurt, but he will be in the house for another 10-14 days. During this time I am trying to make as many deposits into his love bank as possible. I know that he is still going to leave, but maybe these good memories will outweigh the bad ones once his mind has cleared. Do you think that it is stupid to try this approach?

\<p>[This message has been edited by HollyAnn (edited July 07, 1999).]