My wife claims that I'm a controlling freak due to my disagreement with her going out club-hopping with her friends until 4:00 or 5:00am. She feels that she needs her time with friends alone and that it is ok for her to go where ever she feels. I too, like to out and would prefer if we went out to clubs together with friends as opposed to this weekend her, next weekend me. We do everything together with the exception of going out on the town. Should I agree to this? This is the only thing that is a disagreement in our marriage and I feel that we are growing apart and I'm at the edge ready to demand a divorce. I went out once and stayed out until 6:00am and she freaked. I told her I did it only to show her how it felt. I'm not about the "tit for tat" kind of guy and I love her dearly, however, I'm not understanding why she would jump at a moments notice to out with her friends and is not eager to spend any of her social life with me. Please help, the "D" word is imminent.

You are absolutely correct in being opposed to her club hopping with her friends. The fact that she has made this a issue should be a concern to you. It may be reflective of bigger problems in your marriage. The question is whether she respects you and her marriage to you. I would suggest that you address this issue and other problems in your marriage with marriage counselling. Best wishes

I agree...separate club hopping is an area of concern. Occasionally, okay...but this sounds like a regular thing. My fiance and I have conflicting work schedules, kids and very different tastes in music, yet we still manage to club hop together. Just not as often as we would like! We had an ongoing argument about me going without him since he works evenings. I wanted the freedom to be able to, but don't really want to go without him.<P>If I were you, I would want to know why your wife wants to go without you. Really listen when she explains. Hopefully you can work it out. :-)

My husband sometimes goes out without me and comes home late, but I trust him. I know who he's with and I trust them too. I know he needs quality time out with his peers to "get away" for a night. I know it becomes inevitable that being married means doing most if not all things together, but everyone needs time out alone. I don't feel comfortable going out without my husband to clubs, but I find other time to myself...like going to visit my parents, going to the gym, or going to the mall. I don't have to be in a highly social scene to fill that need. Just understand that everyone in marraige needs time alone to collect their thoughts. It's normal. If she will not allow you to go with her, then I might be be concerned. My husband always asks me if I'd like to go. Sometimes I decline because I know he would really rather go out alone. He is just being considerate by asking. So, be patient and plan outings with your wife ahead of time so that she can balance time without you and time with you.<BR>The thought of divorcing over an issue like this is rather disconcerning. Marriage vows should mean more to you than this. <P>[This message has been edited by staceym (edited May 04, 1999).]<p>[This message has been edited by staceym (edited May 04, 1999).]

NEITHER MEN NOR WOMEN THAT ARE MARRIED NEED TO GO TO CLUBS WITHOUT EACH OTHER. WHEN THEY DO, THEY ARE USUALLY LOOKING FOR SOME ATTENTION FROM THE OPPOSITE SEX-I THINK THAT THIS IS WHAT SHE IS DOING. SHE ALSO IS NOT TAKING YOUR FEELINGS INTO ACCOUNT. THE RULE OF THUMB IS FOR BOTH OF YOU TO AGREE ON EVERYTHING YOU DO, OR DON"T DO IT!<p>[This message has been edited by KRB (edited May 13, 1999).]