<BR>my husband & i have been separated for 9 months, heading towards a divorce. he thought that i had an affair and chose to believe the rumors, and left me when i was 2 months pregnant with our second child. he says that he still loves me with all of his heart and wants to be with us but can't because he can't trust me even though the rumors aren't true and i've even offered for us to get a blood test done to show him that the baby is really his cause he doesn't believe he is the father. i love him with all my heart and have given up many of my own dreams to be with this man. is there any chance for us? should i just give up already? it's hard when i know that he still loves me alot and isn't happy with his new realationship. pls help..

He's already got a new g/f??? Did he meet her before you were separated or after? <P>I sorta think he was projecting his own self on you. My sister's H always accused her of "screwing around" during their marriage, even tried to shoot and kill her! (He's in jail, they're divorced) But I digress. It turns out HE was doing all the screwing around and projecting it onto her. So I'm wondering where your H got his attitude and why. <P>As far as saving your marriage I admire you for offering to take a paternity test. I also wonder if taking a lie detector test wouldn't solve his questions. <P>Geez I am so sorry you're in this position. I hope that your H snaps out of it. The fact that his new g/f isn't so wonderful is a good thing. People often trade partners but get the same problems, only a different face. Perhaps he's questioning her loyalty too?

Hello Cati, dear. I would have to agree with Miss Annie on this one. Often, the one doing the blaming is the one doing the crime. I know this first hand. My common-law husband as well has accused me of being with other men, wanting to be with other men (including my ex-husband), flirting with other men...you get the drift. I spent years trying to prove myself to him. Well, it turns out that he was the one doing it all along. Not physical affairs (as far as I know), but "cyber affairs" (don't kid yourself, they can often be worse than the real thing). When I first found out about this I was extremely hurt...then I got really pissed off! I thought, how dare you accuse me of this and put me through all this misery for 7 years? I was mad!! I have since learned, that people who are quick to point fingers and who hold on to past grudges, etc., are often trying to hide or justify some devious behaviour on their part. In order to aleviate their own guilt they will often project that guilt onto their parnters. If they can convince themselves that their partners are doing it, then they can feel better about themselves. It is the ultimate act of cowardness. Take heed.<P>I too question his new relationship. How long did it take him to get together with this other woman? If he says he still loves you, then WHY is he even with this other woman? Seems to me that he would be too torn up to even think about another relationship this quickly.<P>This whole thing reeks of manipulation and dishonesty. Had you EVER given him any reasons at all to suspect you before?<P>If not, I would say to him..."I told you before that these rumours were not true. I am carrying YOUR child. These are the facts. Either sh*t or get off the pot, but do not torture me this way anymore".<P>Put it too him bluntly and matter of fact. Do not take responsibility for his insecurities any longer. You have been honest with him...now it's his turn to be honest with you.<P>Either way, you need to start taking care of yourself. Whatever he decides to do, take care of you and your children first.<P>My prayers are with you.<P>Michelle.

miss annie, thx for replying...well, as far as i know he's been with her for awhile but it was after we were apart...there are rumors that he was with somebody else while we were together but i don't know about that one. he says that he's with her just to "forget"...i know, "yeah, whatever". he is pretty insecure and is jealous of me still to this day. he says that he can't bear to see me with anyone else and says that it hurts him everytime he has to leave us to go home cause partof him wants to stay. i'm just totally confused. i wish i didn't love him anymore. thx again for replying to me =)

michelle38, thx for your reply...doesn't it suck to have someone accusing you of things you haven't done? i hate it. if i had done something i would've admitted it already. he's just scared of his own shadow if you ask me. everybody tells me that he isn't happy with his g/f and i can see it in his face. that's why i can't understand it myself why he's even with her. my only answer for that is pressure from his friends that don't like me and don't want us to get back together again. there were alot of guys (alot of his OWN friends) that were trying to get with me but i wouldn't go for it and they got pissed off aboutthat. it was (and still is) the world against us. i just feel like there's something there between us but we don't know where to start. i am looking for some kind of counseling now cause i really need it whether or not we get together again. i just hope that things get better for me real soon.

cati,<P>I really want to add something here for you as Michelle and Miss Annie have done for me. I know how it feels to have someone at least reply to your cries for help. Sadly, I really don't know what to tell you. Just that I hope all works out for you. I wish I had more, but I don't. But I'll try if I can.<P>Steve

stevieb, thx for your reply. things hopefully will get better for me, with or without him...easier said than done but i gotta go on either way...thx again