So much pain and so many misunderstandings! Almost 29 years of marriage almost down the tube. My husband left me. Says he feels nothing for me. I can see it in his eyes. I realize now that I have been a Taker for many years. Giving nothing. Through a friend, we read HNHN and then somehow I got him to go to a christian counselor. I want reconciliation, he wants to just be able to be friends since we live in the same town, share 2 great children and 3 grandchildren. I realize my mistakes - and big ones. I have been so selfish and self-centered. But, he hasn't helped. Years ago, he told me things needed to change. I said what things. He said things. He does not know how to talk. I asked him if he wanted to see a counselor. NO. Now I find out he wouldn't tell me what was bothering him because if he did and then I tried to change he would be afraid it wouldn't be coming from the heart. And that he wouldn't go to a counselor because we should be able to "work it out" ourselves. So much for that.<P>My problem now is that I have so much knowledge and so much I want to work on and make amends but I'm hitting a brick wall. I face a blank, complacent expression when I talk to him. The day he moved out I literally got down on my knees and begged him to stay. He said he was not interested in reconciliation. Somewhere in the conversation he said he was afraid that if we did things would go back to the way it was and he couldn't stand the pain. So, you'd rather throw 29+ years away instead of taking a risk? Yup. <P>We have had some good days. Mother's Day was strange. We had everyone at our house (I still live there) and cooked out for grandparents, children and grandchildren. It was really strange as if nothing had happened. He has spent a little more extra time at the house just sitting and relaxing, the last week. This shocks me. We have a very strange separation. I see him everyday because he brings his dog over here to stay during the day. The dog spends the night with him. <P>What can I do to put DEPOSITS IN HIS LOVE BANK when I don't see him enough? I know we both are in the minus bracket right now. If I could just start doing something to make some tiny deposits. Everytime he brings up divorce I outright say I don't want to talk about it. I've put him off until after counseling. I know that's a straight procratination but I won't do it. I cannot believe he doesn't feel something for me. I know he feels responsible right now so that is something. He mows the yard, etc.<P>What can I do? We used to have great times fishing and I think I have him talked into doing that - just to find time. Our counselor said friends do things together - like fishing. I feel like if we can have some fun together.... This is so hard and I'm not a patient person.