My husband and I have been married less than a year. My husband hit me about 3 1/2 weeks ago (this is the 3rd time since we've been married. The first time I insisting on Christian counseling and moved out for a week and we've been seeing a counselor for 8 months now). The police showed up and couldn't figure out who the aggressor was and arrested both of us. I was released and my charges were dropped since I had huge bruises over my body. He is still charged with 5th degree assault. With his criminal charge, he is not supposed to have any communication with me. My husband filed for divorce. I wrote him a beautiful letter letting him know I love him, asking forgiveness for my part in the fight (verbally pushing his buttons), I forgive him and that I wish to work this out in therapy. He called my mom and said no way, no how will I ever want to get counseling with her. Counseling never worked. She is sick.<P>He has twisted the situation around. He says he doesn't love me anymore. How can this be? The morning this all happened we woke up, made beautiful love, he held me and told me, "I love you. You are my soul mate. You are the love of my life. I don't want to live my life with out you. My life has changed so much since you came in to it. I am so happy. I have everything I want - a beautiful wife, a band and true love." How can he say this?<P>I don't know what to do. He won't go to counseling and he won't face me or talk to me (so he says through a third party conduit). He insists on a divorce.<P>I love my husband. What do I do?

You've seen a counselor for 8 months? Has it been effective? It doesn't appear so---what does the counselor focus on, how do they "treat" your marriage?<P>On the issue of divorce, I would let your husband know that you don't want one, and want the marriage to work. Don't agree to sign anything (he'll have to go through a "no-fault" divorce, and that takes time). You may need to retain a lawyer if you are served with papers---to protect your interests. But make sure the lawyer knows that your primary interest is in recovering the marriage.<P>With physical violence, I would suggest that you remain separated from your husband while working through these issues---it would be a while before I would move back in together. You need to get a good counselor who can help you with this; switch if your current counselor hasn't been effective for your marriage.

ksullivan, i have to agree with K...and by the way, abuse of any kind is never right. i know this personally (got a black eye for my "christmas present" one year). pls continue to get counseling...my prayers are with you...

Get the divorce! Don't hang on to that <BR>kind of love. Sometimes love is not <BR>enough. Actions speak louder than words, <BR>and if this union was truly meant to be, <BR>than you can always re-marry. If he hit <BR>you once, he will do it again.<BR>

Get the divorce! Don't hang on to that <BR>kind of love. Sometimes love is not <BR>enough. Actions speak louder than words, <BR>and if this union was truly meant to be, <BR>than you can always re-marry. If he hit <BR>you once, he will do it again.<BR>

Easier said than done. I know I need to let him go ... but I made a vow: for better for worse ... in sickness and in health ... 'til death do us part. I honor my vow and am committed to doing anything to get the marriage healthy. I realize 1Corinthians 7:15 gives me hope for the future in a strict biblical sense but I love my husband. I know God hates divorce. It's just hard to except that our whole relationship was in vain, ya know? 80% of this marriage was incredibly beautiful. I kind of have to compartmentalize it. I figure he snapped and I wonder if he will ever snap back?!?!?

KSullivan,<P>I guess I'll reiterate my initial post to you: I would "fight" for the marriage and give him the opportunities to do what he needs to, before caving into a divorce.<P>I think that's the best situation for YOU. You still love him, and if this marriage does end in divorce, you'll feel better for investing the 6-18 months in "dragging" the divorce out, and seeing if he'll get counseling. <P>I disagree with WonderMom's sweeping statement that "If he hit you once, he'll hit you again..." That's not necessarily true. What is true is that you need to protect yourself during this separation, and that he MUST get treatment for his anger and use of violence in the relationship. Without that treatment, and proof that it's been effective, I wouldn't move back in with him.<P>If he's acting uncharacteristically, he may have a biochemical disorder that he needs to be treated for. You can suggest that he see a doctor to be evaluated, although it's unlikely that he will voluntarily. <P>I would suggest that you begin working on with a marriage counselor; learning to eliminate "lovebusters" like the ones you used to "push his buttons". Insist on separation, but offer counseling as a way to rebuild the marriage. If he insists on divorce, tell him that you don't believe in it, and you will not aid him in doing it.<P>It's a tough situation. I wish you the best.