What can a woman do while separated from their man that will help guide them back home to their family? I love my husband and want him to come back. He just left today (05/17/99) and he says he still loves me, but his feelings have changed enough for him to want to leave. He says his feelings obviously aren't the same as mine, or he wouldn't be leaving. What hope do I have? HELP !!!

lauraw, wish there was an easy way to go through all of this. i'm going through the same deal right now. i suggest some counseling and some time to think about things. from my experience, no matter how badly you want to get back together, if the other party doesn't want it, you can't really do much but sit back and wait to see if he decides to come back or not. it hurts alot but counseling does help some. it's really tough, but you can't force someone to do what they don't want to. i'm trying (VERY HARD) to relax and take one day at a time. i know that my life will go on with or without him even though it's hard to imagine it without him. get all the support that you can and take care of yourself. my prayers are with you. god bless..

Hi Laura,<P>About eight months ago my husband left me and our two year old daughter. After 6 days of incessant begging and pleading on my part, my husband finally returned. However, he returned with a new attitude. He no longer considers my feelings or my emotions, he curses me everyday and says he wished he would have never returned. Although things have gotten somewhat better, we are no where near where we should be in our relationship. Our daughter is now 3, and she is being affected by his constant mood swings and angry outbursts. I often go through depressions now, but I keep trying to hang in there for the sake of our innocent daughter.<P>I say all this because I know the pain and misery you are going through, but I think you should not do what I did and beg him to return, because it will only put the relationship on "his" terms, which means you may experience even more pain and abuse than you are now. However, do let him know that you want to continue the relationship. Let him now that you are going to begin counseling and that you would like for him<BR>to attend with you. Above all, show him that you are willing to salvage your marriage. I don't know if you have kids, but if you do I know they are suffering emotionally from this separation. So, try to be there for them because they need you to.<P>Let me know how things are going.

I just wrote to the Forum moderator, asking them to open a separate category for those like us -- who are separated and don't know how to get back together, especially when the other party doesn't share our desire.<P>Yes, I am in the same boat. And this is going on for over 1.5 years. Now let me give you a brief summary of what I've learned so far.<P>We did not interact at all for nearly 8 months, just a few phone calls and e-mails. And each of us was undergoing a difficult period of work on him/herself. Then we sstarted talking on the phone more and more, then spend a week of vacation together, and I won't lie, saying we could not get away from each other for a minute during this week: he even turned the phone off, and I broke an interview appointment. But it all was a distance, and since he did not pronounce exactly what I wanted to hear , "I love you and want us back" -- I started making scenes, showing him my "courage", how I was going to forget him and set him free from myself. Stupid and unnecessary it was, for it only brought pain to me and, I assume, to him.<P>There were several more months of barely any communication after that, and then I accepted that if ge wants to be alone, this is his choice, he doesn't want to be my husband -- but I still see myself as his wife, so this is my choice: to where he may need me, to love him as I can -- because Icannot and don't want to lose it.<P>He still had not said he loved me -- but I learned to understand and appreciate the real things he does, and he now does much more than he did ever before, while saying he loved me. A paradox.<P>Now, some wisdom I learned from the books I read and from my experience.<BR>1.You can't make someone love you -- but you can make yourself so attractive, he wouldn't be able to resist. <BR>2. Don't demand -- suggest and invite, and don't expect it should be accepted. Others have their choice, too.<BR>3. You can't change others -- you can change yourself to a certain extent and change your attitude. "One of the most important aspects of magic involves your ability to change your definition of a situation"<BR>4."Make a promise to yourself and stick to it. Then hang in there". I decided that if we don't get back together until the end of my life, I'll still do it in the next reincarnation. <BR>5. Accept everything -- help, gifts, friendly gestures. Give, too -- but give openly and happily, as if you ar ein a position of power, not looking needy and asking to accept.<BR>6. THE WORST YOU CAN DO: beg. Cry. Be weak. If you are after someone, the desire is to escape. If you move away, it attracts.<BR>7. "The best way to control your cow is to give her a large pasture".<BR>8. "How to get your lover back and get the one you love" by H.Blase (and he has a WEb site); "More love tactics", "Getting Back together" -- I don't remember the authors, check for the titles in the Barnes and Nobles online store.<BR>9. If they don't arrange this category for the Forum discussion, I will start my own site with this tipic. And you and others can write to me at any time -- I have been doing some support and counseling online for a while (free)<P>Chin up!