it's just me again...looking for some extra support from those of you who are riding the same emotional rollercoaster that i'm on right now---separated & heading towards a divorce that i don't want but have no choice anymore. i have alot of family & friends but none of them is in my situation so i'm looking for others who are hurting & just need someone to "let it out" too. write me at hula_girl_mn@webtv.com<BR>i will answer all who write...thx<BR>

I went through a divorce I did not want when my husband left me for another woman. Please do what I finally did towards the end. Go on with life and have some fun and enjoyment. Spend time doing something you want to do. When you get down, go for a walk. I used to allow myself an hour and walked by myself calling my ex every name in the book!!! I eventually did not allow myself to dwell on my upset at other times. Don't talk to him or see him unless you have no choice. Use an answer machine or get caller ID. This is not the end of your life. I have done a lot of reading and realized my ex's problems did not belong to me, but I had a responsiblility to myself to make my life better. I remarried four years later to a wonderful man. I never thought that would happen. Remember, when God closes a door, he opens a window. You will find that window!!!

You have this support.<P>You are not alone. <BR>I won't suggest you getting a life, being merry, and so on. At this period you are going through, it won't work.<P>I was depressed -- full scale, with the whole program, including shrinks, paxil, and suicide attempts -- two years ago. I though I would never recover. I did not recover fully -- I mean, I still love this man, and I will do whatever it takes to get us back. The only difference is that now I am more concentrated on the joy that my love -- just loving -- gives me than on whay I should be getting in exchange. It is better this way.<P>I won't suggest that you consider getting remarried (everything is possiblem, however, and this will always be your free choice). You have two options -- either taking a loss and moving on with your life (then just concentrate on it, on yourself, your values, appearance, interests, and so on), forgiving and forgetting, or you can decide that you do LOVE him<BR>(and there is love -- and there is Love); then all you have to do is figure out how to approach him so that he wants to be approached and wants to go after you. Then you also need to concentrate on who you are, your values, interests, manners, appearance, and much more. Tools are the same, goals may be different.<P>In any case, don't despair. Take my word that I thought nobody could go through a worse period than I did. Perhaps, I still think the same -- but now I feel differently. My determination is what helps me in my worst moments. I know I have to succeed, no matter how long and how much work it takes.<P>You decide -- you act. Remember that nobody is ever given a wish without also being given an ability to make it true (Richard Bach)<BR>

thanks to both of you for your replies. i just wish it was over with already (the divorce) and i was far away from him again, even though i know that distance doesn't help any much. i know that i have to get my butt moving with things, i just need to find the strength to do it all. hopefully it's going to be one day real soon so i can start to heal somehow. i'm really scared still. we talked today, just a few hrs ago, he asked me if i had talked to my lawyer & what was happening with our divorce so far, so he knows what to do with his life, i figure he's getting ready to get married to her for all i know. i have to see him tomorrow cause i need to use his truck to go to the doctor. plus i have to see him this weekend when he comes to get our older son to take him out for the day. we're supposed to talk more tomorrow and i already know that it won't be anything that i feel like hearing but that's how life goes. i pray for him every night, that he finds the happiness that he's searching for, whether it be with me, her, or someone else. ijust gotta keep on going for the kids...the best way that i can...and try to crawl out of this hole that i feel like i'm in. i just feel really ugly i guess it's just a part of rejection, and everybody says that i'm not ugly at all. my self-esteem is pretty much in the toilet at this point. i can't imagine getting into another realationship right now, but i know the time will come one of these days. well, i guess that i've rambled on enough, so thanks again to you both for your replies. God bless..

I think that I was misunderstood. I was not trying to be flip. Right after my husband left, my mother died. She had been my anchor and I just wanted to die with her in some ways. I got professional help and was fortunate to have good friends and a supportive family. But I had still had a tough time coping. I lost my home and friends, and had to start all over again. We went to court 3 times and wasted thousands of dollars. I still see him because of our son.<P>I only mentioned my remarriage because I never thought I would ever want to be married again to anybody. I firmly beleive you can not hold on to someone if that person has decided to move on. Regardless of what you decide to do, you still have a life and a right to happiness. It takes time. My mom died ten years this August. I cry every Christmas and Mother's Day. It was not her choice or mine for her to go, but she did. Recovery from divorce in some ways is worse, because it's not always final. Healing is day by day and the stubborn belief that things will get better and life is truly worth living. <BR>

trina, you weren't misunderstood..=) i knew exactly what you were trying to say. i know i have to try & get on with my life, with or without someone else. i hope thati can find someone else who will love me and the kids unconditionally. i know there's someone out there for me. i guess i just have to wait & see. i feel a little better today...don't really know why but i do.. maybe that's a good sign...thanks for everything..God bless