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\<p>[This message has been edited by HollyAnn (edited July 07, 1999).]

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I would just talk to your husband and your mother-in-law. I had the same problems with mine when my husband and I got married and it went on for the first 4 years of our marriage. I finally told her how I felt and she realized that maybe she should change. Maybe if you talked to your mother-in-law and told her what a bind she put you and your husband in everytime she needed to make a trip she might change her ways. Hang in there it'll work out!

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\<p>[This message has been edited by HollyAnn (edited July 07, 1999).]

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What would your husband say, if you said:<P>Babe, you look worn out after a trip taking care of your mother's needs. Although you realize my resentments for this, I am trying to come to an objective solution for resolving this conflict. My desired outcome is for less conflict in our marriage, and for you and your family's happiness. I appreciate your loyalty to your mother. (in fact - they say the better they treat their mother is an indication of how they will treat you...) But, do you think we can contact your brother together, and ask if he can help you eliminate at least one of these trips, to just help out? Or, honey, can you come up with any other solutions?<P>What do you think your husband's response to an approach like that would be?<P>

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\<p>[This message has been edited by HollyAnn (edited July 07, 1999).]

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I hear you ...<BR>My husband and I live on a farm in Indiana. Across the lake from our house, he built a wonderful and huge log cabin for his parents. His mother is wheelchair bound; father has Alzheimer's. As someone has to be with them 24 hours/7 days each week, I live alone -- my husband lives there. The family located a wonderful Polish woman who would be willing to come in Monday a.m. through Saturday a.m. and spend the entire week there -- cooking, cleaning, caring for their needs. When my mother-in-law was approached with this alternative, she refused. My husband does not want to upset her and force the issue -- If I bring up the subject, or suggest that perhaps he'll have to be more forceful in initiating this alternative, he gets angry at ME. So -- here I am. I'm married and sleep with my dog. He sleeps on a couch at his mother's. Our house is falling apart; Mom's house is perfect. And his mother is absolutely delighted with this arrangement. I have not a clue as to what to do -- and doubt that there is anything I can do. Whatever I say or suggest is resented. His mother is 85 years old -- just had carotid artery surgery and probably will outlive me. What's the worst part of this whole deal?? -- We've been married less than one year.

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I hear you ...<BR>My husband and I live on a farm in Indiana. Across the lake from our house, he built a wonderful and huge log cabin for his parents. His mother is wheelchair bound; father has Alzheimer's. As someone has to be with them 24 hours/7 days each week, I live alone -- my husband lives there. The family located a wonderful Polish woman who would be willing to come in Monday a.m. through Saturday a.m. and spend the entire week there -- cooking, cleaning, caring for their needs. When my mother-in-law was approached with this alternative, she refused. My husband does not want to upset her and force the issue -- If I bring up the subject, or suggest that perhaps he'll have to be more forceful in initiating this alternative, he gets angry at ME. So -- here I am. I'm married and sleep with my dog. He sleeps on a couch at his mother's. Our house is falling apart; Mom's house is perfect. And his mother is absolutely delighted with this arrangement. I have not a clue as to what to do -- and doubt that there is anything I can do. Whatever I say or suggest is resented. His mother is 85 years old -- just had carotid artery surgery and probably will outlive me. What's the worst part of this whole deal?? -- We've been married less than one year.

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I hear you ...<BR>My husband and I live on a farm in Indiana. Across the lake from our house, he built a wonderful and huge log cabin for his parents. His mother is wheelchair bound; father has Alzheimer's. As someone has to be with them 24 hours/7 days each week, I live alone -- my husband lives there. The family located a wonderful Polish woman who would be willing to come in Monday a.m. through Saturday a.m. and spend the entire week there -- cooking, cleaning, caring for their needs. When my mother-in-law was approached with this alternative, she refused. My husband does not want to upset her and force the issue -- If I bring up the subject, or suggest that perhaps he'll have to be more forceful in initiating this alternative, he gets angry at ME. So -- here I am. I'm married and sleep with my dog. He sleeps on a couch at his mother's. Our house is falling apart; Mom's house is perfect. And his mother is absolutely delighted with this arrangement. I have not a clue as to what to do -- and doubt that there is anything I can do. Whatever I say or suggest is resented. His mother is 85 years old -- just had carotid artery surgery and probably will outlive me. What's the worst part of this whole deal?? -- We've been married less than one year.

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I hear you ...<BR>My husband and I live on a farm in Indiana. Across the lake from our house, he built a wonderful and huge log cabin for his parents. His mother is wheelchair bound; father has Alzheimer's. As someone has to be with them 24 hours/7 days each week, I live alone -- my husband lives there. The family found a wonderful Polish woman who would be willing to come in Monday a.m. through Saturday a.m. and spend the entire week there -- cooking, cleaning, caring for their needs. When my mother-in-law was approached with this alternative, she refused. My husband does not want to upset her and force the issue -- If I bring up the subject, or suggest that perhaps he'll have to be more forceful in initiating this alternative, he gets angry at ME. So -- here I am. I'm married and sleep with my dog. He sleeps on a couch at his mother's. Our house is falling apart; Mom's house is perfect. And his mother is absolutely delighted with this arrangement. I have not a clue as to what to do -- and doubt that there is anything I can do. Whatever I say or suggest is resented. His mother is 85 years old -- just had carotid artery surgery and probably will outlive me. What's the worst part of this whole deal?? -- We've been married less than one year.<P>------------------<BR>LSR

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I hear you ...<BR>My husband and I live on a farm in Indiana. Across the lake from our house, he built a wonderful and huge log cabin for his parents. His mother is wheelchair bound; father has Alzheimer's. As someone has to be with them 24 hours/7 days each week, I live alone -- my husband lives there. The family found a wonderful Polish woman who would be willing to come in Monday a.m. through Saturday a.m. and spend the entire week there -- cooking, cleaning, caring for their needs. When my mother-in-law was approached with this alternative, she refused. My husband does not want to upset her and force the issue -- If I bring up the subject, or suggest that perhaps he'll have to be more forceful in initiating this alternative, he gets angry at ME. So -- here I am. I'm married and sleep with my dog. He sleeps on a couch at his mother's. Our house is falling apart; Mom's house is perfect. And his mother is absolutely delighted with this arrangement. I have not a clue as to what to do -- and doubt that there is anything I can do. Whatever I say or suggest is resented. His mother is 85 years old -- just had carotid artery surgery and probably will outlive me. What's the worst part of this whole deal?? -- We've been married less than one year.<P>------------------<BR>LSR

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\<p>[This message has been edited by HollyAnn (edited July 07, 1999).]

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Believe it or not (and I'm so sorry for the multiple posts before -- computer problems), this situation was resolved amicably today. I have agreed to make sure lunches and dinners are prepared for my in-laws. My husband will prepare them breakfast before he leaves for the office each morning. During the week, I will do light cleaning and laundry as needed. Siblings and grandchildren will pitch in during the weekend. This afternoon, we are going to go purchase bedrails for his mothers's bed -- the entire house was built for a handicapped person, so the bathroom is already set up. Mom will wear a pager device around her neck, so in case she falls, she can page the drugstore who, in turn, contacts me or the others on the list after me should I not be home. Beginning TONIGHT, my husband will begin sleeping at home - where he should be. And all this is agreeable to everyone. Thanks so much for the response -- and thanks be to God, for the power of prayer worked remarkably well (and necessarily fast) this day!<P>------------------<BR>LSR

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\<p>[This message has been edited by HollyAnn (edited July 07, 1999).]


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