<BR>I AM 33 YRS. OLD AND MY WIFE <BR>IS 26. I STARTED GOING OUT <BR>WITH MY WIFE WHEN SHE WAS 17. <BR>SHE HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT AN <BR>INSPRITATION FOR ME TO BUILD <BR>MY OWN CONSTRUTION CO. I WAS <BR>ABLE TO UT HER THORUGH <BR>COOEGE. WE TRAVELED, TO <BR>REALLY ROMANTIC PLACES. WE <BR>WERE ENGAGED FOR 4 YRS BEFORE <BR>WE WED IN 1997. SOON <BR>THEREAFTER, THE GREATEST GIFT <BR>OF ALL CAME OUR SON <BR>(CHRISTIAN), HE IS SO <BR>PRECIOUS, BUT MY WIFE LOST <BR>IT, I WAS TOLD BY HER SHE <BR>WANTED A DIVORCE WHEN OUR SON <BR>WAS JUST 10 MONTHS OLD. I WAS <BR>IN SHOCK, SHE BAMED IT ON MY <BR>COMPANY AND ALL THE HOURS I <BR>PUT IN IT. I SLOWED DOWN AND <BR>TRIED EVERYTHING TO FIGURE <BR>THIS OUT. I THEN LEARNED THE <BR>REAL REASON. "ANOTHER BOY" I <BR>DON'T MEAN LIKE SON EITHER. A <BR>21 YR OLD KID WITH A BOOMBOX. <BR>NOW I WAS ON THE FLOOR. I GET <BR>HIS NAME AND SENSIBLY JUST <BR>CALLED. HE ADMITTED THE WHOLE <BR>AFFAIR. ALL THE DETAILS, <BR>ANYTHING I WANTED TO KNOW. <BR>THIS IS AFTER A LITTLE <BR>PERSUATION OVER THE PHONE IF <BR>HE DID NOT. HE ALSO ASSURED <BR>ME IT WAS OVER AFTER 4 TIMES. <BR>AFTER I APPROACHED MY WIFE <BR>SHE DENIED THE AFFAIR. SHE <BR>ADMITTED IT THE NEXT DAY. I <BR>HAVE FORGIVEN HER AND WANT <BR>NOTHING MORE THAN FOR MY <BR>MARRIAGE TO WORK. I TRIED FOR <BR>ALMOST 4 MONTHS. I COULD NO <BR>STAND THE FACT SHE WAS STILL <BR>SEEING THIS GUY AND BRING MY <BR>SON AROUND HIM THE FEW TIMES <BR>SHE HAD HIM. I ASKED HER TO <BR>NOT DO THIS TO HIM <BR>(CHRISTIAN), HE WAS TO YOUNG <BR>AND IMPRESSIONABLE. SHE <BR>FINALLY AFTER THE 3RD TIME I <BR>CAUGHT HER STARTTED BEING <BR>LIKE SOMEONE I NEVER KNEW; <BR>SAYING CRUEL HURTFUL THINGS. <BR>I TOLD HER IN MARCH SHE <BR>NEEDED TO FILE FOR DIVORCE IF <BR>THAT IS WHAT SHE WANTED. EVEN <BR>WITH THE AFFAIR, I COULD NOT <BR>BRING MYSELF TO DO IT. NOW I <BR>AM IN CUSTODY COURT. I AM <BR>TRYING TO BE THE FATHER MY <BR>CHILD NEEDS AND I WANT TO BE. <BR>SHE WANTS TO RAISE MY SON AT <BR>HER MOMS WHO LIVES WITH THE <BR>MOM. THE SAME HOUSE WHERE THE <BR>AFFAIR WAS GOING ON AT. THE <BR>WHOLE FAMILY KNEW AND STILL <BR>SMILED AT ME. I STILL LOVE MY <BR>WIFE EVEN AFTER ALL THIS PAIN <BR>AND I KNOW IT IS NOT OVER <BR>YET. I HAD TO HIRE PRIVATE <BR>INVESTIGATORS, AND GET THE <BR>AFFAIR DOCUMENTED FOR THE <BR>COURT. I DO NOT WANT A <BR>DIVORCE. I JUST CANNOT GET MY <BR>WIFE TO SEE PASS HER WRONGS. <BR>SHE IS GOING TO A <BR>PSYCHOLOGIST 3 TIMES A WEEK. <BR>NOING IS HELPING. I NEED TO <BR>MOVE ON BUT I CANNOT SEEMS <BR>TO. IN THE MEAN TIME I AM <BR>LOSING EVERTHING I WORKED MY <BR>WHOLE LIFE FOR. I NEVER HAD <BR>MONEY PROBLEMS. I AM LOSING <BR>MY LIFE. WHAT CAN I DO TO GET <BR>OVER THIS// PLEASE HELP??<P><BR>

You need to let go of her emotionally and physically and look after your own needs. Find yourself a therapist to help you restore your self esteem and confidence. Time is a great healer. There is a always a chance that if she sees that you are actually moving on with your life this might shake her up to look at herself and what she is loosing. Good luck.

I've been in your shoes before...not exactly the same situation, but the same feelings of desperation, and a whole hearted search for understanding through all of the confusion and pain.<P>Slow down.<P>Time will give you answers, and whatever the answers may be, you will be able to handle it. <P>It seems to me that she is being thoughtless right now - acting as she may have in her earlier years had she not met you. Dating a younger man, being oblivious to her parental responsibilities, and hurting you. <P>Give her some time. <P>Maybe right now in your relationship with her she feels forgotten. Like her needs have disappeared in the process of loving you and supporting you, and now with the added responsibility of having to take care of your child. There's a good chance she could be feeling very lost, suffocated, and empty.<P>These feelings could have lead her to leave you, but if that is the case, then the sad thing is that the situation could be easily remedied if you were so willing (which obviously you are). <P>It is up to HER, however, to change her mind about you two. The only thing you can do is to let her know how you feel, what you've realized, and what you're willing to do. <P>But don't go losing yourself in the process. Respect and take care of yourself through this emotional turmoil. <P>My thoughts are with you, and good luck!<P>S.