I am 37 years old, from Sao Paulo, Brazil. I know my husband for four years and we are married for almost two. he is a wonderful husband, we do lots of things together but if we set aside his two daughters. He stays withnthem every 15 days and all of them is being a nightmare. Last weekend, June 12 was Valentines here in Brazil and we planned a weekend alone, withn special dinner and go out to dance. His older daughter-14 years old - called him and told she was alone for Valentine´s and didn´t want to stay at home. What he did: called me from the street said he was going to pick up both girls and had to go to some place with them because they were very upset. It ´s always happening, they are in charge of his life. So, he decided to travel with both to the country side. He stopped by our home and picked up his clothes for the weekend and left. He saw me crying. He came back on Sunday night, full of guilt, with a gift and trying to do everything to please me. I can´t stand no more. Please help me. I do not know what to do.

Hi Claudia,<BR> I can clearly see why you got upset over that. Do his kids approve of you with their father or did they purposely call him so that they could avoid you and him being alone having a good time?<BR>One important thing i must stress is that it doesnt have to be Valentines day to enjoy dancing and dining with your man.. Surprise him, Plan a romantic night out dancing and dining.. Its not an easy issue when it comes to children from a previous marriage. You must know when to step back and allow him to be a father.. There are to many fathers out there that dont give their children the love they deserve, I think you should respect your guy for being the Dad that he is to his daughters and being there for them when they were emotionally upset. I wouldnt sweat if i was you over one day. Like i said, Plan another night out and have your Valentines Day.. Get all pretty for him and tell him your glad he was with his daughters then they needed him but you need him now.. Get him a single rose and enjoy your own Valentines Day! =)

Thanks a lot. It´s so hard to see things in a nice way when you are neglected so many times, over and over. I know he is trying to do the best as he can but I believe women has more managing abilities to deal with those issues. I am always wondering if I was in his place how should I act. I was waiting for him to prepare me a Valentine´s dinner when he came back on Sunday night but it didn´t happen, he was in a bad mood and didn´t say one word. Actually, he didn´t say anything until now. Let me ask one think, if you can help me out in this issue: all fights we had until now were concerning his kids, in certain ways I always feel neglected by him and the priority are always the kids. I feel like he has a family - him and the two girsl - and I am a step lover who takes care of the house, food, his clothes and his total well being. What should I do/behaviour to stop act and see things at this way ? Do you have any idea ?<BR>I love your e-mail, you are so sweet. I am very sad with this situation.

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Claudia,<BR> I understand your situation. I married a guy who took on my 3 sons as his stepchildren.<BR> It wasnt easy in the beginning when we were dating. My Kids Always came first before anyone or anything. My Brother is also going through a similar situation such as yourself. Children from previous marriages in my opinion need alot more love and attention then kids from a stable home with both the parents together. Your guy is willing to be an excellent father to his kids and you seem to be envious of the relationship he has with them. What i think you should do is set aside time for you and him alone. You knew when you got involved that he had kids and he may be resenting you for arguing with him over an issue that is so important to him. I can see why you feel neglected but you need to allow yourself to become more involved with his kids. Try all of you spending time together. But also allow him the time to be alone with his kids when needed. Have an open and honest talk with him and make sure you let him know that sometimes you feel excluded and want to feel just as special to him as his daughters are.<BR>Its never easy when it comes to stepchildren, But you can make the best of the situation by respecting him for the good father he is being to them. If i was you Claudia, I wouldnt allow myself to get upset.