Hi, I'm new here and hope someone can help. I have a one-year-old son. Before he was born, my husband & I agreed that I would continue my full-time job. I have changed though. I want to be home with my son more than anything else. We have agreed that when we get a couple of bills paid off we will reevaluate our financial situation to see if it will be realistic for me to stay home, but my husband keeps talking about things he wants, and we would need my income to obtain them. I am so heartbroken every morning when I drop my little boy off at the sitter. I am looking into various at-home work I could do, and my husband is supportive, but I don't know if I can make the money that I would need. I don't know what to do. I have been through the basic concepts, but am having trouble seeing how to make them work for me. I hope someone here has some advice. Thanks for listening.

I understand completely how you feel. I had a very hard time leaving my son when he was one as well, and you're not crazy to want to be with him. <P>Money is just money. I have heard it said many times that if the momma ain't happy, ain't nobody gonna be happy. In many ways, that's true. If going to work takes more out of you than you have to give, stay home. The money will come from somewhere.<P>I found that returning to work part time was the solution for me. I worked a couple of afternoons ... then a couple of full days ... then 3 days ... then 4 ... and now that my son is 3, I work mostly 5 day weeks. The thing that makes this possible for me is excellent child care (the lady who watches him & a few others is SO marvellous and loves him SO much!) and the fact that if I need a day with him, I can just take a day off and we do mom & kid stuff.<P>Hang in there. Remind your H that kids are only this little for a very short time, and just because you stay home for awhile doesn't mean you will never be a dual income family again. Get creative. Perhaps, if your marriage is strong, even some type of shift work where you aren't leaving your child with a sitter but instead you leave him with H would be easier. As long as you still see H, of course! <P>Best of luck. Hug your kid, you'll feel better. <P>SoTired

So many couples go through this and it is VERY difficult - and the kicker is - both parties have to agree to it.<P>What you really need to do is look at your finances - what is your income? Take out the costs you have IF you work. Like, would you be paying more taxes if you work? Would you be paying more gas money? What would daycare cost you, etc?<P>Find out what the TRUE income of your working will give you - you may find that you are working just to pay the babysitter and why do that if you can do a better job yourself?<P>Second, look at your costs now - where are expenses that can be cut back? Actually, these are things you should have looked at BEFORE kids, but it's never too late. One thing MANY couples "pre-kids" do is buy a house based on BOTH partners incomes - and tend to extend themselves to the maximum with car payments and house payments. What couples who are PLANNING to have kids should do is to base ALL the expenses on one income - only buy things assuming that there will just be that one income to pay for it. Sounds difficult, but it is possible. What's more important? A nice car with luxury or a car that gets you from point a to point b and allows you to spend more time with your kids because it costs less and your income is not needed!<P>So, TALK - ask your husband what is more important - is it more important to have a NEW car or raising a child in the best environment? What are HIS priorities and where SHOULD they be? Kids are only little once - you can have material goods when they are older!!<P>For me? Well I stayed home the first year and went back full time after a year - and it was difficult - but I had to - hubby was starting a PhD program and we needed my income to survive. NEXT time however, we are basing our needs on ONE income - we will buy a house based on HIS income only, same with everything else, so if I WANT to stay home longer with the next child, I can and we can make it work financially.<P>Of course, this is only possible because I earn less and he is a professional earning "fairly" well.<P>Melissa

\<p>[This message has been edited by HollyAnn (edited July 08, 1999).]

\<p>[This message has been edited by HollyAnn (edited July 08, 1999).]