<BR>My husband and i have only been married 10 months and seperated for 9 weeks.I use totalk to him alot after our seperation, I wouldcall him all the time to beg for him to take me back.It would always lead to him tellng me how I took his love for granted and I showed him to much love to late.He would tell me how happy he was without me which of curse made me cry.That's how our conversation went May 9.Four weeks went by i did'nt call or write him then 2 weeks ago he called me we had a really good conversation on the phone i dd'nt beg or cry in fact I did'nt say anything about us.The problem is that was 2 weeks ago!<BR> It's really hard for me to comprehend how it's so easy for him not to write or callme.In FEB wewere visiting my mom for 3 weeks before moving to his hometown.In the 3 weeks we had the best time together he kept telling me how happy he was to be with me,we were so close.When we got to his hometown he changed completely, after a few weeks of being there he told me he was'nt in love with me anymore.<BR> I know that in the beginning ofour marriage we had problems, when I realized that I had been pushing him away I began to be closer.As I got closer and we moved he became to push me away.It hurts so bad because he use to be so in love and now he has no feelings for me.I was his first love,wife and everything, how is it so easy to forget me? I did'nt realise how much I had hurt him untill it was to late.I have been using this time to work on myself but I can't get over the fact I messed my marriage up.I think about him 24 hours,86,400 sec a day!I have been going out alot but I am never happy it just makes me think about what he is doing. When I talk to his mom, she says that he is trying to find himself.He has never been on his own before,right after graduation he left for the military where he met me and got married.Now he is on his own I am about to go back to the military since I can't handle being alone.I just really wan't my husband back I have been waiting for him to take the lead.It does'nt ever seem like he will though.I am so scared he may be with someone else just that thought makes me so sad,Why did I have to treat him th way I did?and why does it take loosing someone to make you realise how special that person was to you? It makes me so mad that only a few months ago I had the most beautiful person who loved me more than anything and now nothing.We had a great 3 days together beore I left to be 8 hours away,We both agreed we wanted to make the best of our last days together.Obviously those were easy for him to forget along with everything else,ANYONE please HELP me!!!

LaShona,<P>Have you ever heard the phrase, "it takes TWO to Tango?"<P>I went through something so VERY SIMILAR to that you are going through. Thought I had the only man who would ever make me happy, and thought I let him slip away by not treating him right.<P>In retrospect, I didn't treat him poorly. I loved him in many ways. I gave him a lot. And he gave me a lot. But it just wasn't meant to be.<P>We didn't naturally meet one another's needs. And when he left me, I thought that it was all my fault. But the thing is that it wasn't. He let me believe that it was all my fault for months though. <P>Then he came back to me. But the trust wasn't there. I didn't trust that he wouldn't leave again. So it ended again. This time I initiated it.<P>The point is that you can't beat yourself up over it all. What have you learned from it? That you should treat someone who loves you better. That you should think about them before yourself. Those are valuable lessons. But you don't know that you could have done those things had you already known them when you were together. Do you?<P>When I was w/ my SO, I used to pray to God that I could treat him better...appreciate him more...do more for him. But I just couldn't. <P>Our interaction didn't seem to allow for that. We just weren't meant to be. I've treated others w/ more respect and more love than I treated him. That had to be a clue.<P>I'm just sharing w/ you what my personal experience is w/ this and what I've learned from it. Yours could be totally different.<P>But don't go beating yourself up over past wrongs. You'll never forgive yourself or be able to better yourself as a result.<P>Maybe you just aren't meant to be together. I'm sure you don't want to hear that...but it is a possibility.<P>Good luck.

\<p>[This message has been edited by HollyAnn (edited July 08, 1999).]

Thank you both for your advice, I just started reading LOVE MUST BE TOUGH. I can say this book is truley incredible,I am now sending the realease letter for my husband.<BR> The hard thing for me is this is my second marriage and I thought I learned from the first however they were totally two dfferent people.It was'nt that I put myself before my husband I just took care of the househod bills so my husband would'nt be stressed which left me detached.<BR> I haven't begged him in awhile I am just so scared he does'nt even think about me.Before I left I asked him how it was so easy for him to not show any emotions his reply was he would just tink of it as any other relationship and were just married on paper.<BR> As for the saying "It Was'nt Meant To Be", I really dont believe anyone was meant to be anything they are or who they are with.It takes work from the inner self to be happy with yourself and other people.<BR> I fully understand the tough love approach,it's just does'nt seem like he will take the lead! I truley don't believe it is over I believe he will come back. I don't know if this is wishful thinking tough.

LaShona, you keep us posted. We're pulling for you all the way!

Today seems to be a really hard day for me, I talked to his mom last week and told her I needed some paperwork that he should've awhile ago.She had told me she would make sure he sent it by Wed.I still have'nt recieved it,I am beginning to think he really does'nt care or think about me! I thought that since our last conversation was so good he may call me more frequently.How can he be so strong and not care when all I do is think about us? I wish he would call me or write. Who kows he probably is with someone else who is falling all over him, which will make him realise how happy he is without me.I really hate these days when everything seems to be lost.HELP!!

LaShona,<P>Be strong. I know this is very hard. <P>I went through so much of just what you're saying. I wondered how he could just carry on with his life as if nothing had happened. Sometimes it still boggles my mind. When I ask my SO (I just talked w/ him today actually) how he's getting on, he tells me that it's hard, but it's what he feels he has to do. He can't see us working it out so that things are good between us. He sees that we couldn't overcome the problems, no matter how in love we are. He told me today that he still loves me very much, but that he feels that this is the right thing to do. Maybe he's right. As much as it hurts, maybe he's right. Today was actually supposed to be our wedding day. You can imagine what I've been going through today.<P>Anyway, try to stay strong, and try to understand that even though he may "appear" to be okay, he might not really be.<P>Also, the person who leaves always appears to be okay. I think it's because they went through the pain BEFORE they left, so that by the time they actually *leave*, they are stronger.<P>Only time will tell if the two of you can work it out. But I've got my fingers crossed for you. Don't think twice now about calling up friends, and relying on family for support. They will give you strength.<P>Good luck!

\<p>[This message has been edited by HollyAnn (edited July 08, 1999).]

Well,I just got off the phone with my mother-n-law I told her that I was going to send my bills back to my husband.I have been waiting three weeks for him to send me some paper work before I leave for the military.One of the papers was a letter stating to my recruiter that he does'nt care him I go to the military.She told me that he has been trying to call me so he can talk to my recruiter so he can keep track of where I am.However she said he lost my moms letter so he did'nt know how to contact me.She also said that she has cut off contact with him because he is acting very immature with hi resonsibilities.She also said that he does'nt really seem to be happy he is hanging around "The bad crowd "from hs town.When she told me this I felt happy because I know how important his mom is to him.She was surprised when I told her I have been talking to a lawyer about divorce,she said I need to give it some timeand who knows how he will feel in a month or so.The bad thing is I will be in the military by then.I wish he would realize everyone makes mistakes and finds me wherever I am at. He might be going to school in Georgia which scares me because that seems like it is really over.I have a feeling he will call me tonight which scares me a little.I don't want him to think I don't want him anymore,he may think that because of me leaving.I am strong enough where I wont cry to me but it really seems like all is lost when I leave!

Well, H never called me I feel like I am going crazy. I just wish he would call me,I am sending a letter to him letting him know that I will be leaving in a month or so.Hopefully after he gets it he will call me.I really wonder what he is thinking right now after recieving the release letter.It's making me mad that at my work everyone is saying he's probably with someone else.That thought scares me alot.I just hope GOD guides him back to me for another chance.What bothers me most is that I have'nt seen him in a couple of months,I really want him to see the new me!Our last conversation was about 4 weeks ago and I invited him to come down for the weekend to visit the art shows and go to the beach.I told him to just think about it and let me know.Well I haven't heard anything so I guess it is really over between him and I.I miss him so much, the hard thing is I have been having really good dreams that he is comming back and we are happy again(probably just because thats what I am wishing for).Please respond because everyones advice keeps me strong and motivated to go on.It seems like everyone has their spouse close to them when in my case I dont.

Well,I just got off the phone with H.It was a really good conversation,but he sounded so unhappy with himself.I asked him if he misses me and he said that he misses seeing my face.I dont really know what that means.He also said that he is going through alotof changes but is'nt happy about it.He dyes his hair different colors everyweek,got more tatoos,gets body piercings but takes them out.One thing that he said almost made me breakdown and cry was that I was living my own life.It almost seemed like he does'nt think I want him anymore,which is so not true.When I invited him down here,he just said that he wrks to much.When we hung up I broke down and cried so much,it hurts because he sounded so unhappy with everything.So I called his mom to see if I should come up there for a weekend just for him to have someone to talk to and listen.His mom said that I should ask him first,so I will have to wait till he calls me again.Does any of this sound good? I feel like I am the best thing for him.I have always been there for him.His mom says all he eats is hotdogs and never cleans.Probably because I did those things for him all the time.Please respond I really need someone to talk to!!!!

Someone please write to me, I feel like I am going crazy.I keep my body busy,but my mind stays busy thinking of him all the time.I sent him a letter last week asking how he would feel if I went to visit him? In the letter I asked him to call me and let me know.I have had no response from him, after I sent it I talked to his step-mom who said it would be a bad idea if I saw him.I really beleve it would but just the chance to have him see me 40 pounds lighter makes me think that it would be worth while.I miss being held by him more than anything,I am having a really hard time believing I will ever meet someone that looked,cared,and touched me the way he did.I have'nt meant anyone that I would even consider being with.I wish I knew if he is with someone else or what he is thinking.I pray every night for GOD to guide him back and as another day goes by I lose all hope.If GOD wouldgive me another chance at happiness he would see my husband is the ONLY one for me!!