Long story before now. I thought things were getting warmer. My h went to the counseling session with me last night. That was a surprise. But I don't know why he still goes. Our counselor is pro-marriage, christian. He finally asked h if his intentions have changed (he wants D). He said no that was still what he was going to do but it's another 14 mo. Counselor said no use in coming to a MARRIAGE counselor if he doesn't intend to work on the marriage. H was to think about that. I had initiated the Tough Love suggestions however, I talked to him on the way home. He said he wasn't ready to work on the marriage. I asked him HOW he would know if he was ready. He didn't know. I told him it seemed to me that he was closing his mind to this. He got defensive - which I knew he would. I knew I shouldn't have gone down that path.<P>He said he guesses he'll just go to hell. I said thanks (in my mind he'd rather go to hell than to try to work things out with me). He said no, you won't go just me. After that no conversation and this is an hour's drive.<P>I didn't say anything because I was afraid I would show my hurt and my anger. I at least knew better than to do that. After much thought I would rather cut off all contact with him. It hurts too much. This roller coaster is killing me. After the other night when we were 'together' and he said it felt so good to be held again (come to think of it he didn't say by me), I had raised my hopes. Now I feel like he just used me. <P>I know that if I ask him not to come by anymore for anything that I may be doing it to get back at him. On the other hand if he is literally hell-bent to divorce, let him be totally on his own.<P>I NEED HELP NOW. I'M AFRAID I'LL SEE HIM AGAIN AND I MIGHT SAY SOMETHING THAT I'LL REGRET!<BR>Tina

\<p>[This message has been edited by HollyAnn (edited July 08, 1999).]

Tina,<BR> What good will it do to let go or let go of your mouth? You and I know what will happen if you say in anger the nightmare that is happening. Don't give up. Not now, not 2 days from now, not 2 months from now. You H will realize that he is making a mistake one day. You have to hope and pray that this one day is before the end of your marriage. ANGER IS YOUR ENEMY!!!!! Don't let it in and don't let it win. Your husband is afraid and confused. Don't believe most of what he says to you. Take the high road. Always!<BR> You reached out to me on this site and it helped me. Only someone special would do that for another person who she doesn't even know. Your H will see that. And if he doesn't, then shame on him. The more we push, the farther away our confused loved ones will go. Try to let go, but not totally. I remember a poster that one of my first girlfriends had back in the 70's. It had a picture of a butterfly and had words to the effect....let it go, if it is yours it will come back. If it doesn't it was never yours in the first place. Let it go, and trust in the Lord to help you through these troubled times. I will say a prayer for you. God bless.

Thank you Logan and HollyAnn,<BR>I made it through this long weekend. H had to work so no problems there. I've decided to try to avoid him when possible....ie not be home when I know he will be dropping the dog off. I think that is best for me for awhile at least. <P>Things will be changing and not for the good. I know we have had it easy compared to alot of others here. H has had a place to stay practically free. That will end soon. The family has decided to sell the house. Now comes the difficult part. He told me yesterday that he will be selling his beloved jeep and I suppose the bass boat. Things that had at one time given him alot of enjoyment.<P>I know, I know, God has a plan for all this. I've just got to trust and not think about it.<P>Thank you for your encouragement. It is amazing and heart warming to me to know that, as you said Logan, there are people reaching out and giving love and support to total strangers. God Bless You.