hi<BR>this isnt very major on the scheme of things but does tick me off. My husband is never ever home when he says he will be. I wouldnt mind if it was just now and then of course but its every single night. He knows that its a love buster for me to do this every night, but still hes always late. All I ask is he rings quickly if he's held up so I know when to have dinner ready etc. I realise I sound like a total nag, but he is at the pub so how hard can it be to use his mobile to give me a short ring if he intends coming home say an hour later than he offers when he leaves. I almost wish he'd just add an hour onto the time he says before he leaves so I dont have to guess when will it be tonite or where is he.<BR>Ive tried to explain how much it would mean to me if he did just quickly ring and let me know hes decided to stay on but still he forgets. I should add hes definately not playing around (unfortunately he's been there done that three years ago and we've both still got the scars), just enjoying the beers at the club. Im happy for him to be there but feel he doesnt care for me when he continues with this behaviour. Am I just expecting the impossible, a total nag or are there men who actually do come home roughly when expected?? I cant imagine rocking up home always at least an hour later than I say every night. Sigh! Other than that we are happy honest! <p>[This message has been edited by B (edited August 25, 1999).]

B.<P>My H has never considered calling me when he is late home, and I mean LATE! He took a job 17 years ago that involves a lot of travel, and I have gone "seven" days straight without ever hearing a word from him. I used to complain and tell him that I was worried about him and that I was thinking the worst things like....he had been in a car wreck, or was in a coma in the hospital, but he would just tell me that I should'nt worry and that he was okay! I am alone in this country (USA) with no close friends or family. Literally, alone. My two oldest childresn grew up only seeing their father on weekends, and it has caused a ton of problems with our 18 year old son....he resents his father, but idolizes the heck out of him at the same time....however, he is abusive to me though....every time my husband leaves the house, and has gone as far as to hit me when I would not give him my car keys to joy ride with his friends. <P>There have been times when my husband knew he was going to be in town, but was never home before 10:00 p.m. and never called. I got sick of this treatment and gave up cooking dinner years ago. Now I just see to my children each night and go to bed. (We havn't slept in the same room for over four years) I would leave him tomorrow if I had somewhere to go. I have asked him for a divorce many times, but he tells me that he has been brainwashed by his religion to stay married, and says we should put on appearances for the sake of the children. I no longer like this man as a person any more, and I do not trust him with my love or companionship. I feel that I am growing old and bitter staying in this relationship that it is just a sham. I know instincively that he does not love me any more. <P>He won't go to a couselor, because he says they got into the business because they are "screwed-up" themselves, so how the Dickens can they help us! Actually, I did see a counselor once many years ago just after my daughter was born in 1984, and it helped me cope with this man to talk with another person who was outside looking in so-to-speak. He told me I had what he considered "no control" issues, and was in an unequal marriage and that I had to decide for myself what I wanted to do. When I told my H what he said, he just told me to do what I thought best, and wouldn't discuss it again. He did say that he thought I was playing "mind games" with him and that he wasn't going to go there with me. I backed-off and left it alone and have just gone day to day ever since. After seventeen years I finally got used to his being out on "the road" and just breath a sigh of relief when Monday comes around again, and I know I won't see him again until late Friday night. However, I heard him talking on his phone Sunday to a collegue, and he said that things were going to be different since the company "buy-out" and that the new owners want him to work only our local city and surrounding areas from now on...He sounded very unhappy about this news. This would mean he would be home every night "late" but home. It sure is funny, because this is what I prayed for seventeen years ago, when I needed him to be there for us, (we were burgularized three times in those seventeen years, and I had to deal with it by myself) but now I don't think I could stand him being here! I have always felt unprotected by this man. I do not know what the future looks like for us as a couple. Everything seems stone cold, and my heart feels dead. I am extremely depressed about what little future I have left. Thank you for letting me vent.<P>

my heart goes out to you, that is a very sad story. you must be very lonely. I really feel your pain and wish I had some good advice. Its sad how people dont even understand how much they hurt others by indifference is it, I think its one of the most painful things.<BR>you sound like a very strong woman but must be heartbroken, I wish you had someone who loved you like you deserve. Perhaps even with my husbands affair and his lateness I should count my blessings.<BR>thank you<BR>

B,<BR>Firstly, how long have you been married? My husband and I have been married just under 3 years. In my opinion, No married man needs to be hanging out in a bar after 10pm. RESPECT!!!<BR>I think it sucks that he isnt making an effort to work on this, knowing that it really bothers you. I guess you could set his watch an hour or two ahead before he leaves in the morning....bet he'll eventually get the point...lol hope he gets better at punctuallity and phone calls.<BR>ruby<p>[This message has been edited by ruby (edited September 14, 1999).]

thanks ruby for the good advice. Weve been married 10 yrs now. <BR>whats with it with men that they cant ring their wifes about coming home late in front of other men..I guess they think their mates will think they are henpecked. Strange thing is, if they would only do this simple thing, they WOULDNT be henpecked!! men!!!!!!!!!!!

I see this topic is about a week old. But I have a story about my husband who is always late. We have been struggling with this for quite sometime and yesterday was the ultimate. My grandmother passed away and yesterday was her funeral. I asked my husband to attend with me, I felt close to her. He agreed and said that he would go to work in the morning and come home and we would go together. He was to be home at 1:30. The services were at 3:00, it was about a 40 minute drive and was a viewing prior to the services beginning. I was also to recite a poem for the family. I knew he would probably be late so I didn't get upset right away when he didn't arrive at 1:30; <BR>At 1:45, I hadn't heard from him so I called his work, no one answered the phone. This is a restauraunt so not answering wasn't entirely unusual. But I began to panic and so I called constantly for the next 30 minutes. He never called and I never got anyone on the phone. I ended up leaving without him in a vehicle that had no a/c in 95 degree heat for that 40 minute drive. I was a wreck when I got there but all went as planned. When I arrived home he had been there, apparently he got home about 5 minutes after I had left. If I had waited the additional 5 minutes and then waited while he got dressed I would have missed seeing my grandmother for the last time. This was a time that cannot be replaced and only a lot of good feeling could ever repair. He was very remorseful. He had left me a short letter of apology with an explaination. But this is a situation were being on time was critical. To this moment, even though I know I need to forgive him, I wonder if it had been a loved one on his side of the family would things turned out this way? <BR>If anyone has any suggestions it would be appreciated. Who wants to have a day like this? I know all the things he could have done, like a simple one minute phone call.<BR>His lack of consideration is beyond anything I can do anything about, I know it is up to him. The worse of this is that this is a chronic problem in our marriage. We have had many times that have been ruined because he was late, and when he did arrive he was in one of his moods. <P>------------------<BR>Julie

B<BR>You are most definely not alone on this one. <BR>My H's I'll be home in a minute, tell me it will be at least another hour. The only thing I get mad about is that I never know when he has eaten supper or if I am suppose to cook it for him. After a few years worth of times when I had cooked and he had eaten already, I stopped cooking. Men just don't understand that when we call to find out when they will be home its so that we can have things done, like supper, maybe a hot bath drawn for them.,,etc. <P>You would think eating cold food after a while they would get the message. <P>Just today I told mine that dinner would be ready in 20 minutes, and he said the stock answer "I'll be home in a minute" An hour later I had to call and remind him.<BR> <BR>But that is something we are working on. <P>I will definitly be looking here for others reply, so that I might find the solution to this too.....<P>God Bless you<BR>SureNow<BR>