Sid,<P>I sure wish that 6 years ago I'd done this very questionnaire myself. I have spoken to my husband about infidelity. We agree that there is no excuse however the other day we were talking about an old friend who had an affair but his marriage is still intact now six years on. My husband said it is just something that some men do to feel young again. I said this is no excuse, if you are having problems in your marriage you should sort them out and not go off to have an affair with someone to get the needs you have sorted out. My husband might I add has never visited this site and isn't ask educated as myself since I visit this site regularly. He said its not to meet his needs, I then realise he only thought that s*x was a need and didn't know what I meant when I said the S*x wasn't the only need people have, they also have needs of excitement etc. My husband said no he just wanted to feel young again. I left it at that. <P>What astonished me was that he made the excuse that it could be okay for a man to do this. I made sure he knew it wasn't. <P>I think it is the hardest job I've ever had been in a marriage, that and being a parent.<BR>You have ups and downs. <P>I am battling with my own marriage right now. My husband calls me names, I've may have already told you in another post. I have been trying to ignore him, he says its for fun. I think it boost is self esteem. I find that when we get so close he starts to call me names or does something annoying. Is this I wonder to back off because he feels he is loosing being himself. I don't know?<P>I think that if couples could all do the questionnaire prior to marriage things such as the ones mentioned in the questionnaire could avoid people having to do what I've had to do. That is learn the hard way. I met my husband when I was a mere 18 years old. I became pregnant not too long after we met. (I accept I was naieve, I thought everything was fate). I was totally shocked but I wanted to stay with him. Over the years we both have treated each other quite badly. I was always very passive, he always dominant. He still hasn't enough respect for me. He was an army man. He thinks that the definition of respect is when you have earned it, eg because of what you do or have done. i.e he respects his mum cause she's had a hard life, he respects those who have earned it by having things hard or who are older. He doesn't however, believe me when I say that everyone deserves to be respected, respect is considering others. He says he want's respect first. I keep trying to tell him that I do respect him but get annoyed when he calls me unnecessary names to wind me up. He is mellowing slowly. <P>Without me being cheeky could you give me some advice since you have alot more experience than me about marriage. How would you handle this? <P>Hope you reply soon.<BR>Theressa<BR>