I don't know what to do --- just that I don't want to do anything and I know I will have to do something. My husband has decided to file for divorce after a year of counseling and several joint attempts to resolve past issues. And I know it's my fault --- I had an affair with a co-worker --- granted, a snake--- a devious man who has had several affairs with co-workers and who I stupidly thought I cared about as a person --- I didn't mean to have an affair and I am extremely remourseful. My husband however keeps thinking I am now involved with lots of other men --- he follows me, reads email, questions everything --- and I have tried to be patient because I know it will take him forever to get over what I did. But he has decided that I must not love him and so now he says he is filing for divorce and that he will fight for the house (which I don't care about) and the kids (who I do want). I told him I thought perhaps we should separate --- that I would move out and continue to pay my share of the bills. But he says I have ruined his life and he just wants me out. I don't want to fight over money or things or the kids --- but I also don't want to lose my children or be saddled with all of our debts which for some reason are mostly in my name (probably because he had terrible credit when we married because of his first divorce). What do I do? Do I just continue life as it has been until I'm served? Do I get another bank account? Do I get a lawyer? We both make good money but have lots of debts. I have a savings account that is rightfully mine because it was from stocks from my grandparents --- but he, for whatever reason, had his mom put it in the bank under her name --- so I don't have any money until I get paid. And I have bad credit --- so where does that leave me?

Calm down. One step at a time. First stabilise your finances and secure yourself and your children in your home. See a lawyer and discuss the legalities of custody (if you're there yet). <P>I say that because I hear that both of you are in alot of pain and I would look again at the councilling you have perhaps try another option there. <P>I think you and your partner should also take equal responsibility for your relationship - it is no one person's fault. To blame the other person for the relationships failure is finger pointing and there is no recovery in that.<P>Go placidly<P>Shazza<P>