I have been married for 11 years. The first 10 1/2 has been abusive: Physically and emotionally. After seeking the help of a marriage counselor, my husband is no longer abusive. But, I still look at him an all I see is "MEAN". I am not physically attracted to him. I don't really like him. I wish we could have a good marriage. I have been considering divorce. This is hard for me because I always told myself I would never divorce. I am a christian and I know this is not what God wants me to do. But, How can I live like this? Is there hope. I am to the point that I wish he would have an affair so I would have an excuse to leave. That way it would not be considered my fault. This bothers me. Who would want their husband to have an affair. I also wanted to try seperation. He stayed gone for 2 days then said he had to come back because he and his father and step mother were not getting along and he had no place to go. I was actually enjoying my time alone. I really don't know what to do. I don't know what I expect anyone to do for me. I also have fantasies about another man that I work with. I don't even know this man's name. We sort of flirt with each other. He is very attractive. But I know this is not right. Help.

honey,<BR>we are in the same boat, in a sense, read my post in other topics and learn my story, maybe you would have some advice for me. I can tell you i was wishing my husband would cheat at one pointalso. I am also a very strong chrisian. And have struggled with the fact that divorce is a sin. However, let me tell you you must resist the temptations of your heart, trust me. Enter into prayer and ask god to release you from this lustful desire you have for this man. I have a problem because my husband was not fulfilling my needs and our marriage coveant. He did not provide a covering for me, and now i am in love with a wonderful man who i want to be with. The problem is that I wanted a divorce before i let things get so far withthis man. I should have left then, because although my husband does not know about this man i met on the net, it has made it harder for me to leave. I only got on the net cause i thought my husband was cheating on me with other women there. He Was spending all his time there when he could have spent that time with me. He left this door open for me. His sin has lead me to my sin. I do take full responsibilty for my actions with the man i am in love with, however had my hub been the man he vowed to be to me on our wedding day--i would have never been tempted. I have never looked at another man in eight years.......so there has never been temptaion for me to fall in love with someone else......however the net exposed me to what i was lacking the friendship, and intamacy. And I am telling you i know God doesnt want me to be in an unhappy marriage. I am trying to heal i feel to emotionally scared now to take the final step with him. I am waiting for time to heal me. Apparently you have had that time, if you know that you know that you arent in love, and you are unhappy, and you have sought the will of God for your marriage and life.....please do what is best for YOU! take care and god bless<P>ps...do you have any children with this man?

I understand about losing love for h because of abuse, or not meeting your needs, or because of infidelity. Currently going through all of that.<P>Have you guys looked at the emotional needs and lovebusters part of Basic Concepts? Really important for you both. <P>Also, in the infidelity section - there are threads on the forgiveness workbook. We have been through steps 1 through 7. I get hung up on step 5. <P>I think you both can't hope to resolve any conflict, or have your needs met when there is somebody else lurking in the shadows. I think you guys need to both end contact completely with the other person. It might hurt, but if you are Christians, then you must do this because it is the right thing to do.<P>Generally you start looking outside your marriage when your needs are not met. Which needs aren't being met by your spouses?<P>