After 21 years of marriage wife says she loves me but is not in-love with me.So she moved out and doesn't want to go to counseling.We have three teenage kids and I always thought that whatever problems we had we could work through them.Our marriage has had ups and downs and the only time I realy screwed up was a one time one day affair and that was 18 years ago. All she will tell me is that she hasn't been in love with me for a while. I ask her how long,weeks-months-years? she will not give an answer.I've ask her is she seeing someone else, she say's no.<BR>any help would be appreciated...

ATWATER,<P>Well at this point in your marriage...I can only tell you to Hold ON! Your wife has left you hanging with few options. I know it must be very difficult to go through something like this. Regardless of your wifes change of Heart, its important to try to keep the communication open as long as your wife will allow. She has reached a point in her marriage where she wants to be alone. I dont know what your marriage has been like for the past 21 years..but you will need to let your wife have her space as long as she needs it. This could take a few months or longer. Sometimes Hearts just grow cold in a marriage. Hopefully your wife will open up to you and let you know exacley whats going on inside her heart. Has there been to many unresolved issues in your marriage. If you believe in prayer, then pray that your wife will open up to you in communicating whats been hurting in your marriage over the years, whats been lacking. There is no easy solution when a spouse feels their not in love any more. You pretty much have to start at Ground Zero (meaning start over) with your wife..this will depend on alot of prayer and hopefully your wife will allow hope for your marriage.

Atwater<P>I know what your feeling. You need to be strong, because your going to be traveling a difficult journey. The good news is, that you can survive, and hopefully rebuild your marriage.<P>You need to read all you can. I have read many books and could recomend ones that would help you understand things better. I have found, that the more information I get, the better it is for me to make sense of all the madness.<P>You can contact me at laroerem@aol.com<BR>Tell me more about yourself and wife.<P>Piece Be With You

-<p>[This message has been edited by MaryBB (edited June 26, 2000).]

Mary BB<P>Good recomendations.<BR>Have not read Love Must Be Tough yet, but here a lot of good comments from others.<P>Atwater<P>A few web sites you should visit, if you haven't already<BR> <A HREF="http://www.bestyears.com" TARGET=_blank>www.bestyears.com</A> <A HREF="http://www.midlife.com" TARGET=_blank>www.midlife.com</A> <A HREF="http://www.divorceasfriends.com" TARGET=_blank>www.divorceasfriends.com</A>