I hope someone can help me. My husband of seven years, best friend of ten, left me five weeks ago. He told me that he has been unhappy for almost two years. After I pressed he said he doesn't think he is "in love" with me anymore. Let me give you a quick background. <P>Two years ago he had an affair. He ended it before I found out. After the affair he did all kinds of stuff to win back my love. Now that I have fallen back in love with him he lays this bomb on me. In the last few weeks I have come to the conclusion that I may not have been meeting his needs throughout our marriage and we have both done things to hurt each other.<P>I am not sure where to turn. He has told me not to pressure him, that he needs time to think. We are going to a conselor, but I feel we are spinning our wheels. I need him to open up to me. Right now he says he is trying to decide whether he even wants to work on things.<P>I had almost given up completely and was willing to raise my white flag of surrender until I found this web site. I would like to open up the communication lines again, but I am frightened that he will reject the idea. Is it possible for me to start building loving feelings in him again towards me without his help? How?<P>I am thinking about telling him about this web site and how love can be rebuilt. I am not sure if he will be receptive and I am very nervous to open up. We just don't seem to be resolving anything at this point. Any suggestions?

curtisa:<P>I don't know if I can help you but I want you to know you have my support. I'm in the "same boat" with you at this point. Although my husband has not had an affair and doesn't have someone else at this time, he walked out on our 1 yr old son & I, 7 weeks ago - just out of the blue. <P>He says he doesn't love me anymore. Doesn't want to work on the relationship, wants time and space and eventually feels a divorce. I'm dying of the hurt and trying to keep going with a very active baby. <P>I've found this website helps alot and the people are very supportive. Try doing some reading, I've found it helps me stay focused. Read "Divorce busters" and look at their webside (michele weiner-davis). It has some insight and suggestions on how to proceed when only one person wants to try. Also, read the book - the Five Love Languages. It may sound silly but there's a chapter about falling in love that shows the difference between that first obsessive love and the real, true love that some seem to find so easily while we struggle. Be the best "you" that you can be, fix the things you can and give him space. It has changed my husband just a bit and I get impatient to see results. They tell me this could take a LONG time so I try to be patient. <P>Good luck! - I'll be thinking of you.