My husband and I have been married for 2 1/2 years and have a 22 mo. old child together, with one on the way. We had a short courtship and got married 6 months after meeting eachother. Our marriage has been unstable for the past year and we argue CONSTANTLY! I suggested we go to counseling to work things out, but he refuses to go. I feel so alone and angry. I also feel with the way he treats me (never physically abusive, but emotionally), that I am falling out of love with him. I have no feelings any more. I also feel that I am staying with him because of our child (and especially now that I am expecting again). I am a christian and feel that divorce is not an option, yet I'm not sure I love this man any more. Can you have a marriage without love?? I also feel I cannot put my children through a divorce as I feel they need both a mother and a father in their lives. I just don't know what to do anymore. Advice is much appreciated.

FLM:<P>I'd suggest that you try some marriage counseling on your own. If you're familiar with Harley's website (concepts, approaches) and you believe in the principles, you should give the phone counseling here with Steve Harley a shot. Steve is excellent, and I counseled with him for over a year through very difficult times in my marriage. And I felt that the counseling was hugely successful, and a major part of why our marrage was saved.<P>Steve's office can be reached at 888-639-1639. I've found that phone counseling is convenient and more effective than office counseling (based on my past record---your milage may vary). Give it a shot.<P>If you're unwilling, I do have some suggestions, but I'd prefer that you go to the source first.

Thank you K for responding. I have thought about counseling for just myself many times, but my husband doesn't want me to go. If I do go I feel like I have to go behind his back, which I would rather not do. I have great support from family and friends, but my husband insisted that we keep this to ourselves and not tell anyone our problems, ESPECIALLY family. I can see his point to some extent, but I have held in my feelings for over a year and it was driving me nuts. I had to tell someone. But I'm still dealing with the feelings of falling out of love. I'm not sure it even existed in the first place! That's what is making this so hard. I think I will give it a shot and give the online doctor a call. Thanks for the tip.

FLM:<P>I would agree with your husband in that you shouldn't involve family, if you can help it. Also, NEVER, EVER share marital problems with a friend of the opposite sex---that's a very common way that affairs start. Indeed, I would recommend that you avoid having any close male friends; you're "prime" for having an affair.<P>I'm glad that you're giving Steve a shot. I think you find him very effective.

Just another suggestion, Have you tried reading The Five Love Languages?? It will help you to understand why you feel the way you do and maybe work on the communication problems. Also "Divorce Busting" has both a website and book (Michele Weiner Davis) that may give you some more insight.<P>I'm dealing with a husband that just walked out because he "fell out of love and lost his identity because of his love for me". We have a one yr old and I believe you need to work on a marriage before throwing it away. My husband refuses counseling also. I can only sit and hope that he will change his mind but it will soon be two months and I'm feeling so down. I agree with K's statement about male friends, I find myself wavering because of the emotional need to connect with someone.<P>Good luck - Hang in there!!