My husband and I cannot come to an agreement over how to approach a very serious problem. I am postmenopausal, which has its obvious hormonal issues and ramifications. This is playing itself out in the bedroom and my libido is gone and has been for about 6 months now. Understandably my husband is frustrated, but I think we need counseling and he wants me to "take a pill." He threatens to have his needs met elsewhere if I don't "fix my problem" soon. It's very hard to feel vulnerable to a man who keeps threatening infidelity. I think "a pill" and some counseling are needed here but he refuses to go to counseling. He feels this is my problem and mine alone and until I fix it, we'll just be miserable or else split up. Someone please encourage me here. I'm starting to feel like it's not worth fighting this good fight anymore.

I think you need to explain to your husband that it's "our problem", not just yours, and that you will do anything it takes to make things right, including seeing a doctor and getting the proper hormone treatments or whatever it takes to resolve your postmenopausal issues. Right now. Don't wait another day to see a doctor. Let him see your progress. Also tell him again that you'd like to try seeing a counselor with him, but if he won't go, you'll go yourself. It couldn't hurt to go by yourself a few times. Then perhaps you could bring him into a session so your counselor can gain more insight to "your" problems.<P>Good luck.

Allietwo,<BR>I am sorry to hear that your husband is being so insensitive to you about this. Doesn't he understand that this happens to every women at some point in time? How long have you two been married? I assume it has been a while. I am a newlywed, just over a year, and I have already lost interest in the bedroom with my husband because I suffer from depression and anxiety. He has been very understanding and supportive towards me as I deal with this problem. I think that the first thing is to let you know that your husband is the problem here, not you. He needs to try to be more understanding towards you. Counseling could probably prove beneficial for both of you. However, you should try to realize that your husband is threatening you. This is emotional abuse. For him to threaten to "go get it somewhere else" is horribly cruel towards you. Have you tried to explain to him that it is not that you don't love him or aren't attracted to him anymore? Perhaps he is feeling inadequate as a man because he can't make you feel the way he used to be able to. I suggest talking openly and honestly with him and reassuring him that it is not him. Let him know that you really need his support and love at this stage in your life. He may surprise you and come around. If not, then definitely counseling. Let us know how it goes. Good Luck.

Thanks for the replies. Since I posted, I've seen the dr., started new meds., and husband and I are at least talking. He has finally agreed to go do counseling, which begins this week. He says, "I'll go once and see what that does." UGH! How frustrating. But at least this is a start. I think he has been venting his own frustration over all this but venting in all the wrong ways. I've let him know that I'm disappointed with the way he has handled this whole matter and that if we do not get counseling, we won't be together by the new year. Think that sort of shook things up a bit. I'm not into manipulating a situation, I really meant that. Anyway, thanks for the support!