We have been married for 12 years and we have and still have issues to resolve but I have a big problem. I do enthusiasticaly agree to try this plan or try that plan but for years I have let bills,kids,inlaws,and other things become a higher priority. You might say that I have droped the ball each time and did'nt "check back in." My loving spouse has her last straw. How can I get the kick in the pants in giving her and us this one very important thing. I'm at a loss as how to go about getting our relationship back on top of the priority list over all the other overwelming problems. If there is any help I'm all ears. <P>------------------<BR>smm

smm,<P>Here's a suggestion for you....<P>Write down on a piece of paper all of the things that are top priority in your life. Number each thing from most important priority to least priority.After you do this look at your list to see where you wife comes in on the list. Now be very honest with yourself.Even though you feel that your wife is very important to you, showing it is the real proof. I think you should begin giving your wife top priority...well for starters you can plan a trip for the weekend together. Just the two of you. Get away by yourselves and get to know each other again. Find out those needs of your wifes and begin to meet those needs. Companionship is very very important in a marriage. Husband and Wife companionship is what is going to help your marriage grow strong. Take time for your wife daily, weekly. Dinner, Movie, walks..hold hands, hug her alot, become her best friend. I know from my own experience that when I have felt negleted by my husband and have realized at times that I'm not feeling very important to him.....all it takes is for him to show me real genuine love and time for me and it really makes our marriage bloom and grow. Companionship and quality time together is essential. If you dont invest in time together then you will inevitably draw farther and farther apart. You really need to just do it!! No more excuses. As you begin to give priority to your wife, then you will be able to get the communication flowing..then the unresolved issues in your marriage can be worked through. Marriage takes two, your wife will need help work through the problems with you. <p>[This message has been edited by violet1 (edited November 02, 1999).]

smm--<P>Read as much as you can from this website. The information is thought provoking and will prove quite beneficial to your relationship. Print out two copies of the emotional needs questionnaire, and fill it out together! Read your responses. Discuss. Then both of you starting working on meeting each other's needs better.<P>Another suggestion, which will SOUND stupid but may help retrain your brain to keep your wife #1 in thoughts and action. The Franklin Day Planner, or similar schedule-tracking calendar. Write down IN your calendar any ideas you have. Examples for a daily checklist: call wife and tell her I love her; surprise wife by bringing home chinese take-out/light candles during dinner; call in ticket order for concert; shop for and buy card for wife; MAIL card to wife; do not bring up bill problem tonight; rent video and watch movie with wife...you get the idea. Literally write these ideas down, and KEEP them top priority. Make sure to DO them daily--do not ignore them.<P>Might that help??<BR>