My wife has $200 down with a lawyer to file and she needs $300 more to get the papers. That was 4 weeks ago she went to see him. Since then She's gone to one individual counseling session and we've gone to one together. The counselor re-assured me there's hope because she's there in counseling, but when I talk to her on occasion, especially after our together session, she makes it sound like she's just doing me a favor and that she's still leaning to go get the papers when she can becuase she just feels too much hurt and she feels there is no chance for me to have sustained change for the long haul, she also says she hurts too much to forgive right now. She may go get the papers this coming week becuase she just got paid. I fear this action because we are communicating and on her "good" mood days she indicates friendliness, a willingness to give me a chance, etc. Somtimes I almost feel someone is tugging at her to not do so. Her complaints with me are control, trust, and jealousy. I acknowledge these. But it's been mentioned by her that I have inadvertently hurt her by these qualites, and she's stated I would never intentionally hurt her. She also says I would make a good father (as recent as yesterday). I am absolutely devoted to changing and controlling/removing what has damaged our relationship to this point. I'm reading 'his needs, her needs', I've had a phone session with Dr. Harley, I'm in counseling, etc. I love her so much, I want a second chance. We've been married 3 years, she's 27 and I'm 34. My face-to-face counseling has surfaced a lot of my "ways" from my childhood upbringing and the fact I'm self-made as a opposed to the rest of my family that's not doing so good. Since she left we've gone from her not wanting to see or talk to me at all to meeting in neutral locations or via phone to talk for a couple hours at a time about us and the problems. Yesterday we went out to dinner for Thanksgiving and she commented on how nice I looked and I did the same to her. We ate, we had a couple glasses of wine each, we had great conversation in which we laughed. The dinner experience took about three hours. We then went to a friends and sat on the same couch watching TV while conversing with them. When I dropped her off at where she's staying (in a house with 2 female college interns) she stated she had a good time, I kissed her cheek (I probably shouldn't have done that), and we hugged. Can I get some of your opinions on what to do to keep her from the lawyers office and to get your thoughts on what you think of the situation. Apparently I am to blame for everything that has gone wrong in the marriage, she honestly feels she has no areas that need work. One last thing, when we were eating yesterday we talked about a cell phone ... she says 'don't you want you loved one to be safe?" I'm getting very, very, mixed signals, but the fear I have is the serving of papers without be given a fair chance to work this out with her. Am I just severly paranoid ? I could go on forever with this note becuase I'm trying so desperately ... god I love her. She says she needs her independence and space right now, and in one of those "swings" she says 'I feel so good about myself right now, I believe I've made the right decision." Decision to move out or end it without a chance ? I appreciate her kicking me in the head with moving out, it's my wakeup call ... big time !!!<BR>

I hope that your marriage is still intact. If so the fact that your wife is in counseling is a good sign that she really doesn't want the divorce. Is she familiar with this site? If so show her your post and continue to impress upon her that you do not want the divorce and that you would like to enter a time of restoring that which you now see was the best thing in your life. See if she is willing to study and learn, along with you, the concepts presented here that will insure a longlasting, mutually satisfying marriage.

Noggin, since my posting I have discovered she and another co-worker have been building a relationship since September. It came to fruition when I caught them in bed over thanksgiving weekend. She was remorsefull and said she was going to move back in, I forgave her on the spot when she was in his t-shirt and boxers. The next day she made no mention of coming home and now continues her defiance to me and to communicate like mature adults. Still think she wants our marriage? I still don't have divorce papers, but I think the end is coming soon.

bada,<BR>So sorry to hear what you're having to face. It really must hurt to have that thrust upon you by someone you love. It does sound as though your wife doesn't care much for her marriage to you. Perhaps a posting on the infidelity forum could bring a more helpful response on how to handle infidelity. I know how much I would be aching inside if I had a similar happening. I'm not much for offering any kind of advice in this matter but I truly am sorry that she is treating you and your marriage with such disrespect. I understand that there is a tremendous amount of support available if you want to avail yourself of it. God keep you.

Noggin,<BR>I was served divorce papers yesterday after I asked her to make a decision and to stop the yo-yo effect with my emotions. I think you're right about the lack of respect for our marriage. Thanks for the kind responses.<BR>Merry Xmas.<BR>