After discovering that my husband was involved in an affair, I started taking Zoloft to help me to cope with the day to day feelings. My husband says that he wants me to get off of the Zoloft to see what I am really like and how "I" can really deal with things. I am really trying hard to like my husband and trust him again. I do have fears of being hurt again by him. Do you Zoloft users think that the Zoloft helps you to be more accepting of your spouse? Do you ever feel that it masks you real feelings and that you should go ahead and feel all the emotions, express them and work through them? Thank you for your opinions.

I feel that it eases feelings of depression, worthlessness, and intense sadness. I don't think it masks other feelings. I think it can put you on an "even keel" to perhaps consider how you might feel if depression were not dragging you down. It has nothing at all to do with being "accepting." Except that you may not feel the intense grief over ill behavior toward you.

Susan I agree with what JB has said on the subject. I would encourage you to consider whether YOU feel its helpfull? And look at how much is being prescribed. I tried a similar med to try to quit smoking and found that the recomended dose made me too distracted and messed up my sleep patterns. I tried it again recently to overcome depression but at `1/4 the amount and feel comfortable with that. Telling someone that not taking antidepressants so they can see the real you is like telling a diabetic to throw away the insulin. Lots of folks think this way because depression is still viewed as a character fault, something a person picks. But that too is changing. Take care of yourself, and understand your H has a lot of company he just needs to get informed.

For goodness sake, stay on the Zoloft...First, if you are producing the correct amount of seratonin to make your brain run properly, the Zoloft does nothing for you and sloughs off like Vitamin C...these aren't happy pills...they allow you to be who you have the right to be...emotions such as loss, grief, and stress eat seratonin like pac man...stopping the drug to see how you handle things is like stopping insulin to see if your pancreas will work right...I know I seem harsh, but I am a firm believer in medical advise...this is you you need to worry about...

I think your husband is confused about what an antidepressant does. It doesn't make you somebody else - doesn't change you in anyway. What it does is enable you to be emotionally balanced. <P>It will not make you more accepting of your spouse - but it will make it possible for you to learn to be more accepting. Your emotions are still yours. You will feel pain and hurt as well as happiness and joy.<P>I agree with what all the others have said, and would like to add that it is selfish of your husband to ask you to stop using a medication that is helping you to be a stronger person... if you were on an anti-allergy medication, would he request you to stop taking those just to see if you had allergies still?<P>Don't stop the Zoloft unless the doctor tells you to...<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>No, I'm not a Marriage Counselor,<BR>But I did sleep at a <BR>Holiday Inn Express last night...<BR>

I used to take Zoloft and most recently have been taking Paxil. All descisions regarding changing your med should be discussed with a doctor, qualified psychologist (one trained and studied in anti-depresseants) and/or a psychiatrists. You should also talk to a good pharmacist about all these drugs. They are helpful, but you husband may have valid observations. I.E. at one time the doctor tried Buspar, I got edgey, very irritable, and couldn't control my emotions. Turns out that these drugs can induce exactly the wrong or opposite reactions. I stopped taking zoloft because it did little for me save burn weight and make me cry and irritable. The Paxil seemed like it was really helping, but after a while others noticed my motivation was down, I noticed it too. Then I started noticing my darker side coming out including parts of my personality I never had (I.E. I started thinking about buying ciggerettes and smoking weird huh sense I hate smoking and have never even tried it.) I also found myself wanting more than ever to try new sexual things. This didn't totally shock me, but after a while I realized it wasn't me. True they are sparadic parts of my personality some I enjoy, but not really me. My doctor took me off the paxil gave me something new which i'm debating about starting now. I'm actually enjoying feeling my feelings again.<BR>I write this to point out that you shouldn't take your husbands observations lightly. Discuss them with your doc and a counselor. It is one main reason that these medications should never be prescribed apart from counselling.

Zoloft made me downright giddy. I went off and the world was a pretty ugly place - I guess it was just reality. If you go off, get ready for a big crash around day three.

Hi, Susan,<P>I've been on anti-deps for a long time - first Prozac (which eventually stopped working), now a combo of Zoloft & Wellbutrin. I have an inherited predisposition toward depression, and will be on them the rest of my life. My depression, while not severe, was wreaking havoc with my marriage & my life, and I do NOT like who I am when I am depressed. I am much MORE "me" on proper medication.<P>Recent studies, in which both depressed and *non*-depressed people were given antidepressants, confirm what Teacher47 told you - anti-deps do absolutely nothing for people who do not need them. They only work if you need 'em. <P>Anti-deps cannot and will not "turn you into another person". What they can do is give you back the "real" you. If you feel that the Zoloft has helped you cope, then stay on it. It is not "the pills" coping in some artificial way - it is you.<P>Unfortunately, there is still some stigma and embarrassment attached to taking anti-deps, which is unfortunate. It is a medical condition just like any other. It is often triggered by extreme stress - or it can just appear seemingly out of nowhere. In any case, it is a *chemical imbalance* - it is not a character flaw or a weakness - it is nothing to be ashamed of - and it can be treated.<P>Good luck to you!<P><BR>------------------<BR>~suse~<BR>Rome wasn't built in a day.<P>p.s. - just read F.C.'s post - ANY anti-depressant needs to be started on a low dose & slowly built up - your liver is inefficient at "processing" a new med for awhile, & it can build to higher levels in your system at first - this can result in some side-effects like giddiness for several weeks...which usually passes as your body gets used to the dose.<p>[This message has been edited by suse (edited August 29, 1999).]

I do not mean to contadict Suse's claim that these types of medication cannot change you into a different type of person, but this is misleading. For the majority of users of zoloft and similar drugs there are no major ill bad side effects, thus there approval by the FDA. however, they are still prescribed medications for good reason. I can only repeat what I said above if any one notices a personality change while on these medications, they should discuss these with their doctor and counselor. You may want to read some of these posts at:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.psychtests.com/wwwboard_general/messages/522.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.psychtests.com/wwwboard_general/messages/522.html</A> Some of these are very disturbing and while anecdotal they do reflect some real potential side effects.<BR>and look closely at all of the side effects listed. at <A HREF="http://www.rxlist.com/cgi/generic/sertral_ad.htm" TARGET=_blank>http://www.rxlist.com/cgi/generic/sertral_ad.htm</A> This site is great for also listing the different reactions for zoloft (SERTRALINE ) for various diagnosis.<BR>Also, St. John's Wort and Alcholol should never be mixed with any of these types of drugs. St. John's Wort can cause severe reactions and cancel out the positive benefits of the drug, mess up a women's menstrual cycle and really do wonders for someone with heart conditions. St. John's Wort does work for some, but it should be prescribed. When the FDA will wake up is another story.<p>[This message has been edited by KAM (edited August 29, 1999).]

Hey Sus,<BR>Just wanted to let you know I was on Zoloft for 2 months. I started with 25mg, went up to 50mg and never went any higher. I'm pretty sensitive to drugs and the giddiness never wore off. When I went off of Zoloft, I felt fine for 2 days. Then, on day three, I crashed and sobbed, w/o control, for no known reason for three straight hours then slept for the rest of the day. Sever depression set in for about 2 weeks. Since then, I can't really tell how I am as compared to how I was. That's just me. BTW, it is after 1am where I am. Eight hours ago I had my first cup of coffee in 4 years and I'm flying high! This is better than my one and only experimental drug use 10 years ago. My experience with drugs is not a good one to go by.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by facing choices (edited August 30, 1999).]

Let me get this straight... Your husband has an affair. Because your life is shattered, your doctor prescribes medicine that will help your brain maintain a normal amount of serotonin. It helps you to deal with the reality of the affair instead of lying in a soggy, sobbing heap. Now your husband wants you to stop taking it?!? He is not a doctor and has no business giving medical advice. I would think he has enough on his plate with dealing with the reality of his actions and their effects on the people who love him. It will be a long time before you will know who you are now and whether you will be able to accept things long-term. Your previous selves and relationship are forever "dead" and changed. It will take time to work out who y'all are now and whether you want to be and can be a good, strong couple in your new way. <P>Let your therapist and doctor be your advisors when it comes to your medication.<P>(By the way, I have been on Paxil for almost a year now and feel that it has helped me be a lot more normal while I have been dealing with these big issues)<P>P.S. Can you tell that H and I had a rough weekend? We are just now getting down to the ugly stuff in therapy, after a year of work. Sigh.... I miss those days of blissful absolute trust......

Hey, fc, <P>Dunc is one of those super-sensitive people too...when he started Zoloft last fall I was out of town...he told me he *flew* the whole weekend....the house was clean, the laundry was done....WOW!! He's the same way with caffiene, btw. He's just very sensitive to any kind of drug. I'm sorry you had a bad experience with Zoloft. Did you & your doc try you on anything else?<P>Kam, your point is well taken. I should have been more clear that there *are* occasional ideosyncratic side-effects with any drug, and those weren't what I was referring to; but rather I was taking issue with the odd notion that a depressed person is the "real" person, and that treating depression somehow produces an artificial personality.

Suse,<BR>Glad to see were really in agreement here. You are right about ant-depressents not changing the 'real' person. When a person has depression they are a far cry from being their true self.<BR>I just hope that everyone reading this discussion comes to learn that these medications are great tools, but they always need to be taken in combo with the doctor, the counsellor, the pharmacist and ones family. <BR>Actually, I think the biggest obstacle to treating depression was that it got called Depression. It makes it sound like its an emotional state someone should be able to pick themselves up from. Sometimes I think it'd be better to call it Clinical Apathy, because people with Depression sometimes even 'feel' happy somedays. They just don't care or enjoy it. People who have Depression need help to get out of the Depression. We cann't operate on ourselves to remove a tumor someone has to do it for us. Depressed people need all the help they can get.

Dear Kam:<BR>Zolof does not be more accepting of your husband. If Zolof did, it would be a mircle drug. We would all take Zolof to be more accepting to our husbands. I am on Zolof and have been. I take it for depression and I tried to come off of it. The times I have, all the anger and resentment that I have tripled because the Zolof wasn't there to ease my depression/anger. I was extremely irritable and the thoughts of my husbands negatives kept playing over and over and over in my head. I was walking around in this heap of anger. I would consistently fight with him, be even more distant, almost hate him because of what I feel he is putting me through. Somehow, back on Zolof, I feel the same things but NOT (definetly not) to the extent that I would have if I was off the drug. I can only tell you, like I tell myself , is that Zolof is not the answer to the problem. Zolof just masks the problem. What you REALLY NEED TO DO is to go for therapy. You have to go to therapy yourself and get all the anger out and work on getting off of it. Why keep taking a drug because someone did something so hurtful to you. So, now, since he had his affair, he thinks you should get off of it because he says so? Who is he to even tell you something like that? You only know what you feel and what you need. You need to get yourself together and get off of the drug. <BR>Speaking my mind does come easy to me whether I am on Zolof or not. The WAY I speak my mind is whether I am on Zolof or not. When I am on Zolof, I can relate and rationalize better but when I am off of it, because of all the anger that I need to work through, that all comes out and speaking my mind gets into the lunatic phase of speaking my mind. <BR>I hope I was some assistance to you. If you need me, I am here. Your friend, Katya

My wife and I were both on Zoloft for awhile..now we are both off of it..it helped her to deal with her postpartem depression...it didn't really do anything for me mentally, but it did have a great sexual side-effect..my doc said that he could prescribe it for me for the side-effect if I wanted to..still thinking about it..but, if you can cope without the drugs, then get off of them...Grace and peace to you.

Katya, I'm a little confused at your post directed towards me?? That's okay anyway you points are well taken.<BR>I think this thread has a strong consensus that these drugs are not miracle pills, they don't change people into monstors. But they are serious medications and shopuld always be taken with a doctors close supervision and in the context of therapy. <BR>Katya, it seems in your case it is working exactly the way it should. You may want to note that irritablity and agitation are potential withdrawl side effects. Mostly because we often take these things to deal with those feelings.<BR>Actually, I've been taking Paxil (and by the way stephanas Paxil has a similar side effect ;-) although it eventually produced both the positive side effects along with negative ones. i had to lower my dose ;-) ) Anyway, I took it for anxiety not depression, but lately I'm off it and while the anxiety is making me a little tense. I'm actually feeling a lot more optimistic, my imagination is starting to return, and I'm feeling a lot less irritable and angry. Now I have to explore with my doc whether I need a medication break just some therapy for a while. Once again these are great tools but we do need to use them that way. Sometimes a hammer works sometimes a screwdriver and sometimes we need both.<BR>Good luck to everyone. And thank god shock therapy is virtually gone!!!

So sorry KAM, this was directed to Susan. Oops. But, thank you for your advice because I did not know that that was a side effect. My doctor told me that I may still get irritable but that's only natural and that the drugs don't take away ALL of the irritiblity.

I saw this story today and thought it was pretty relevant to this thread. However, it shows a rare and extreme case!!!! Please don't assume that anti-depressents change us, but it does show that drugs can effect us as human beings. <A HREF="http://news.excite.com/news/r/990901/12/odd-britain-epilepsy" TARGET=_blank>http://news.excite.com/news/r/990901/12/odd-britain-epilepsy</A> <BR>Katya, I kind of suspected you mistyped my name. I think your comments though do a great job of pointing out that these drugs do not take way negative feelings. Actually, they tend to help us experience all feelings if we need the medication. See me above commentabout depression should be apathy. My hunch is that off the zoloft you got irritable but weren't either awre of it or much care. Now I bet it makes you uncomfortable like it does for most of us. Who likes being irritable?

My husband has been blaming his behavior toward me on an overdose of Zoloft. Hmmm.

My w, the betrayer, is now taking zoloft and xanax(sp?) for her anger and anxiety attacks and depression(?) on missing the kids. She said to me that in a few months she will be all better. I think she thinks these drugs will cure her anger. <BR>Am I correct to assume these only mask it and when she stops the anger will still be there?