The #1 reason couples have difficulty making each other happy is that they each have different ideas about what it takes to be happy. Men tend to have different needs than women, but, not realizing that, men try their best to fulfill their wives' needs by providing more of what they think is valuable. For example, many women have a strong need for affection. Many men have a strong need for recreational companionship. If a man wants to make a woman happy, he tries to do what he thinks causes happiness, not realizing that what fulfills his needs might not fulfill hers. So, he gives her all the recreational companionship she can handle, but it does no good. Why not? Because all the recreational companionship doesn't fulfill her need for affection, and nothing but affection will fulfill that need.<P>It sounds like you both need to take the Emotional Needs questionnaire and use Dr. Harley's book His Needs, Her Needs to learn to make each other happy.<P>As for her phone conversations, to whom is she talking? Friends, relatives, exes? Why does it cause you so much pain? Giving 100% to your relationship shouldn't mean she can't talk to other people on the phone. It sounds like you want 100% of her time and attention, and that's not realistic. If men with whom she's had a relationship or men in whom she's possibly interested that she's talking to, that's different, but otherwise, why do her phone conversations hurt you?<p>[This message has been edited by younglove (edited January 31, 2000).]
