My husband doesn't seem to let go of past disagreements. We had a major one several years back when he seemed (to me) alittle more interested in a younger woman at a supply store, than I thought he should be. I won't go into the whole thing but he denied any interest however, didn't avoid her either and would instead get mad at me for "accusing" him of things. He didn't listen to me when I told him that his coworkers were teasing me about "his girlfriend", that his remarks about her hurt me (he'd defend her against rumors of her being "easy" and having a veneral disease) When I finally met her, we were friendly to each other , he immediately said to me "see, she's not like you thought was she?" - sticking up for her again. She got in his truck one day when it was parked at the store and she heard his phone ring so she answered it. It was me and my husband chose to defend her for answering it instead of trying to make me feel better about it. He has answered "hypothical" questions such as "If we weren't together, would you ask her out?" HIs response? "Probably", Another question by me, "Would you sleep with her?" His response, "Probably if it seemed right at the time". I know I shouldn't have asked those questions but at the same time, he said he was being "honest" with me and that those were "what if" type questions -they were totally stupid and should not have hurt me at all.He always adds "I don't have any intentions". <BR>I "thought" we had gotten over all this but no matter what we disagree with now, he totally blows up, cusses me out and brings up EVERY single argument stemming from this original one! He denies that he said anything wrong to hurt me, denies that he did anything that caused a problem, that ALL of it was made up by me because of my insecurity. <BR>The other week, he didn't hear me about something I was saying when we were going down the road and I was really tired and "snapped" at him. I didn't yell, I just told him I didnt' feel like talking but I was rude and I shouldn't have been. After he blew up, I apologized and said that I shouldn't have been rude to him but I was really tired. He "never" heard me apologize and to this day, he insists that I didn't. <BR>In fact, he's never accepted an apology from me on ANY subject ever since I accused him of being interested in that other woman plus he brings up the "issue" not her by name in every thing we disagree about saying that he never got over how "HORRIBLE" I treated him back then, etc. So, now when we disagree on anything, he brings up 5 years worth of stuff and of course, he's never caused any of this, he was just the victim.<BR>The thing is, whenever I try to discuss things with him or try to settle something, he always seems to walk away in the middle of what i'm saying to go to the bathroom, change his clothes, or even will leave the house. He says he wants to talk but his actions aren't going with his words. He interrupts EVERYTHING I say and finishes sentences in such bad ways that I wonder if I shoudl just give up and walk out. He also calls me horrible names, screams them at me. <BR>The other night, after he finished my sentence "badly" then got mad about it and refused to believe he didn't listen to me, he left and went to a bar. He got drunk and actually ended up in a fight there! When he got home, he said he had "no intentions" of getting drunk and "no intentions" of getting in a fight, etc. <BR>He hasn't gone in a bar in over 20 years so this was really strange in itself and he insists the other guy jumped him. <BR>Our kids find their father very hard to get along with also. They're all in college but say they never know if he's in a bad mood or good mood and tend to avoid talking to him. <BR>He had a second back surgery last FEb.,and seems to be worse since them. He's also in chronic pain from his injuries but denies that it might be affecting him. He did admit to this doctor that he "might" be depressed some but he didn't take the antidepressant regularly, especially if he got "mad" at me. He'd just quit them (I guess to "get back" at me for something?) <BR>Oh, he also quit calling his mother because she was going to babysit his sister's child instead of getting up VERY early in the morning and seeing him off to surgery when he had his last back surgery in Feb.. When she found out how upset he was, she did go to the hospital but he won't forgive her still, even to the point of not calling her when she was very ill with the flu this winter!<BR>He seems to want to hold grudges way beyond normal but he seems never to see his own contribution to the problems. <BR>I feel that he hates me but he tells me he loves me but..... then I get a list of things I do wrong in how I treat him. <BR>Tonight, he's talking divorce as he's tired of my *****ing at him all the time and he doesn't deserve it. <BR>NO, there is no other woman and honestly, becuase of his back/nerve problems, I think he'd be scared to even try to be with one if we weren't together. He has never cheated on me and never had a drug/alcohol problem. Things just went downhill after I got insecure about that woman and his responses to it all. <BR>Then of course, instead of reassuring me, he started pulling away so that now, even a massage is too much for him to give to me.<BR>I really take my vows seriously but wonder if there is something in the Bible that says that I should leave if it's like this?
