I posted a rather long message regarding holding grudges and I thank the person that responded. It was very helpful advice.<BR>I didn't mention the verbal abuse though. My husband gets very angry at the drop of a hat now and then starts cussing me out using words that he used to "defend" me from before!Imagine the worse things you could say to someone....This is what he says to me!<BR>He ALWAYS tells me it is MY fault that he does this because I made him mad or something. He NEVER apologizes for it, ever! Although my children are grown, they are 19 and 21, they still live at home and my husband doesn't care if they hear him or not!<BR>I am losing any love i have for him and feel so worthless anymore. <BR>What's more is that he has a friend that got into the same business I am in. My husband doesn't act happy about my work at all but he's all smiles and even gives ADVICE to his friend! He tells me "I don't know" when I ask him opinions! But last night, I even caught him telling his friend MY IDEAS!!! This friend is very nice but we are in competition in this business!!! My husband never apologized for this either!!! <BR>I know he's in chronic pain and that he is depressed and that depression in men usually comes out more in anger against those closet but EVERY aspect of my life is affected and I'm getting into depression on my own. He doesn't notice.<BR>What can I do? I try to ignore him but when he's in the same house and especially when the weather is bad, it's hard to do and not be unhappy. <BR>I'm miserable all the time.<BR>Any advice?

This may not be a "marriage builders" type response, but if you're experiencing this type of abuse (I read your other post as well), I would advise you to get away from the situation. Without bringing the bible into it (although in my religion, divorce is acceptable when a husband is not meeting his wife's needs), no person should be dehumanized in this way (including your kids). It sounds like this marriage is damaging you badly. I'm no expert, but I would suggest: a) separating (even if you are the one who has to leave), and b) marriage counselling. Sometimes a separation is the best thing, especially with the abuse you are experiencing.<BR>Just my two cents.

Have you read the book Boundaries? We do not have to accept verbal abuse as a norm from the husband that is supposed to be our leader and protector. This book has some good insight and examples on how to help you set those personal boundaries. Is the "friend" male or female?