My wife and I have decided to separate. She says that she does not love me anymore. I love her very much and our two children. Originally I was going to move out. I looked at apartments and saw that the minimum lease was 7 months and that I would have barely any money left over each month to take my kids or myself anywhere and have fun. I suggested to my wife that instead of creating a win/lose situation that we try a win/win situation. My proposal was to be gone from the house one week each month. I would just call each night while I was gone and speak with the children and see how they were doing.<P>Has anybody had any sucessful experiences with separations? Will I make things worse by being gone one week each month?<P>My wife gave me a book entitled "Uncoupling" it paints a very grim picture. Has anybody read this book?

TGBHOPE:<P>Reading your profile and seeing your story, it wouldn't be surprising to find out that your wife is having an affair (emotional or physical). But that really doesn't change your job here.<P>Your counselor is working on emotional needs right now. Did you work on "Lovebusters" first??? That's probably more important for you at this stage---your wife is clearly in withdrawal, and you've help her get to that point. While it may solely revolve around not meeting her needs, it's more likely to have a lovebuster component to it.<P>My advice to you would be to go through the lovebuster's questionnaire with your wife (with your counselor), and gather that information. Once you have it, it's imperative that you make a plan (together) to eliminate the lovebusters your wife has identified. And then you must be very solid in changing that negative behavior, and establishing a consistant track record of new behavior to benefit your wife.<P>In general, separation should be used as a last resort. I would suggest that you try to avoid it at this point (and your suggestion of leaving for a short time is a good compromise). I haven't read the book "Uncoupling", but by the title it sounds like a book on how to divorce.<P>I would take your wife's "feelings" to heart, and try to be in a complete giver mode for the next six months. You need to put your taker in cold storage. While affection and sex may be important needs to your wife, if she doesn't want them from you, you should say "I understand", and not pressure her again. Instead, work on those areas that she's identified---financial security, for example. And be a great father to your kids---that's extremely important regardless of the state of your marriage, but it's also one of the most effective marriage building tools a man has available. And don't forget to eliminate all lovebusters!!!