Your welcome Blueberry...<P>I wish only that more people were like you in realising when they had done something to cause pain and actively seek to make it better.<P>But then I guess thats the difference when you truely love someone.... Something I discovered all too late.

LostSoul - there is hope for everyone out there, even the most hardened, or protected of "souls".<BR>You have demonstrated a willingness to help others merely by your involvement on these boards - that shows caring that someone "who cares for nothing and no one" would not have.<BR>Don't give up hope - I didn't and never will and it helped me to find and break through one of the most impenetrable of barriers.

I am not like other people Blueberry...<P>That I give and care for others is of my nature and seperate from my detechment to emotions. I give because I feel it is the only worth I have in this world and that if I do not make the world a better place for the people around me then I have failed in my purpose here.<P>Some think I am arrogant, others egotistical... but always they shun what I see because they fear the knowledge that it brings... Most people function on the maintenance of their dreams and their hopes... to have those removed is to leave them vulnerable...<P>For me I strip myself bare each time I can, I dissolve misconceptions and re-alter my view on things... to tear down something that is wrong is to grow stronger, and I thrive on learning new things and seeing the truth for what it really is... not what others want to see it as.<P>The wisdom that I impart on people often confuses them for they don't WANT to see the value in it and in truth.. for THEM there is NO value in it... because they are not ready to see. I falter in this area as well... but at least I understand and can admit my weaknesses and hopefully I grow from them.<P>One reality that has come through all this though is that I was never designed to be either in a relationship or married, I was not designed to progenate or to give this world any more than what I can during my own lifetime... Immortality holds no joys for me and passing forward an unknown gene pool does not seem fair on the world.<P>Most people see what I say as a negative or pesamistic approach... but they even fail to understand the "point of view" nature of negativity. For if I were someone who was completely rock bottom, would I not be considered an optimist in THEIR eyes? Yet people fail to see this.

And what of your wants and needs? Do you not have any of those? Or do you regard them as signs of weakness and cast them away in an attempt to make yourself stronger? <BR>Forgive me, I am not trying to pry, or invoke my own admittedly optimistic ideals upon you, but you do not sound like one who is happy. How do you achieve happiness for yourself? When you say that you are not meant for marriage or relationships, is that due to an incredible hurt that you have suffered?

LostSoul,<P>I agree with BlueBerry. You sound so very sad. It is clear to me that you have suffered a tremendous hurt that you are trying desperately to protect yourself from. <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>For me I strip myself bare each time I can, I dissolve misconceptions and re-alter my view on things... to tear down something that is wrong is to grow stronger, and I thrive on learning new things and seeing the truth for what it really is... not what others want to see it as.<P>The wisdom that I impart on people often confuses them for they don't WANT to see the value in it and in truth.. for THEM there is NO value in it... because they are not ready to see. I falter in this area as well... but at least I understand and can admit my weaknesses and hopefully I grow from them.<BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>This is a very admirable quality. But I'm sensing that because of the hurt you have suffered, you are afraid that you have no value. That others don't value you for who and what you are. I have read your posts here and I have to say that you have TREMENDOUS value! I've seen you have the courage to speak up to someone here and say that what they wer spewing forth was chauvinisitc bunk. I can't remember the thread but I remember it was you because when I read it I thought "Who is this person? He's my hero!" I looked at the name of the poster and it was you.<P>Your thoughts on love and honesty are truly insightful. They are inspiring.<P>Don't ever think that you have no value. You do have value. Your thoughts have touched the lives of many people on this board, just by getting them to think about things in a new way. ANd I'm sure it's not limited to this board. I'll bet you touch the lives of many people that you come into contact with on a day-to-day basis without ever realizing it.<P>LostSoul, you are a very valuable person.<P>If I'm wrong in what I sensed about what you have been feeling I sincerely apologize. But that was what I saw in it.<BR>

Thank you Blueberry and TruthSeeker.<P>You mention terms such as happiness, sadness, wants and needs... these are things of an emotional nature and I have said elsewhere that while I can correctly acknowledge when I am experiencing those emotions... they are not attached for me to feel the repercussions they bring.<P>You see the funny thing with most people is that they hurt because when happiness is not filling them up, sadness is biting at them... I have neither and so there is no detriment to me as I feel neither the good nor the bad... I know to some this may sound like numbness, but I have "felt" that sensation before and this is indeed different<P>TruthSeeker... I admit that I do not value myself, I have not valued myself since my birth mother gave me up for adoption... I understand the weakness that has given me and funny enough it makes me stronger ;-)<P>I spend my life helping other people, in a sense trying to establish to the world that I was not worth throwing away. Now I know all the rhetoric that comes back to this, that I do have worth, that there were reasons it happened and all that.. I know these things but it still doesn't alter my level of self esteem. I have however constructed a new one that works very well and for the moment this is sufficing.<P>You are right, everyone around me is always challenged... it seems to follow me for good or ill, in half of those people it is a wonder to see... they grow and learn and thank me for what I have given them... but for others it only reflects to them the selfishness and their heartless nature and for that they dispise me... while I remain the constant between.<P>I appreciate hearing someone who has gained something from my words and I think I shall endevour to have my life continue helping people... that is my need and believe it or not that is my want... its pervasive into every part of who I am to seek to help other people....