I have been married to my High School sweetheart for the past 6 3/4 years. We just had our first child in May, 99. It was such a joy bringing our son into the world and we had such a great relationship during the pregnancy. Since giving birth, I have had panic disorder and I feel like my husband doesn't understand my needs anymore. He says he is here for me, but he really isn't. When he comes home, he just sits at the computer and plays games. He barely acknowledges me at all. And when we do talk, we argue about his mother. He always defends her and can never see my side of the argument. But when she begins to trash me to him, he still sees her way, not mine. I feel like he loves her so much more than he could ever love me and I just cannot handle that. I need his attention again. I need him to hold me like he used to when we were dating and first married. I never thought we would end up like an old married couple in a rut. But we have and it hurts so much. I recently lost my favorite grandmother to cancer. He barely acknowledged that I might need emotional support. We used to be best friends and so passionate about each other. Now, I just want him to go away. I gave up everything for him. I have not gone to college because I followed him all over since marrying him. I had a baby and gave up a high-paying job to stay home. I have never lived alone. I went right from my parent's home to our new home as a married couple. My husband has never had to give anything up for me. He is earning HIS degree now and going on to a great career. But I have never gotten that luxury. I wish I knew how to get my husband to look at me the way he used to, but I really am afraid it is over. Help me!

Lissa --<P>I'm new at this and don't even *begin* to profess that I have all of the answers. I hope some of the more experienced people tune in to your story.<P>Have you read everything on this site? That was one of the first things they ask me. And I read and I read and I printed and I printed.... and then I read some more. <P>It seems backwards and very, very, very difficult to do what they recommend. I started this program about a month ago. I believe we are finally headed in the right direction. Please read -- especially the LoveBusters section and the Emotional Needs section. <P>It sounds to me like your husband doesn't understand what you want. I believe it's true that men are from another planet -- I don't mean that in a negative way -- just an observation. You may be using "subtle hints" and little things to let him know you need attention and feel ignored, but he honestly doesn't get it because he's on a different wave length. Try finding out what *he* needs or wants from you in order to be happy. Hopefully, he'll see the light and decide to reciprocate. <P>I would leave the mother thing alone for now. It seems that's one of his "hot buttons" and you won't get anywhere lecturing him about it -- believe me, I've been there. You'll end up pushing him towards his mother because he's defending her -- that's definately *not* what you want! Next time the subject comes up (this is a tough one) just tell him he's probably right (even if you believe he isn't), kiss his cheek and drop the subject. He may feel more like loving you in the evening.<P>Above all, read this site. And keep in touch. I hope K and Lucks and some of the others will respond to your letter. They've been here longer and have a wealth of good ideas and information. But I didn't want you to feel left alone out here.<P>Hang in there and keep checking back. Also, read other people's stories -- you'll get support and ideas that way, too.<P>Prayers --<P>Kathy

Kathy,<P>Thank you for your input. I am so happy that there are people out there who care and want to support and help other couples with their problems. I am happy to tell everyone that I talked with my husband for a long time last evening and I vented what I was disturbed about and he did the same. Things are much better now that we got that out of the way. Tonight, we went to a cocktail dinner/dance for my Mary Kay unit and he has become very supportive of me moving up in my business. To anyone out there who was planning to do so, I would appreciate no more replies from anyone since things are good. I believe that things are going to be just fine.