My husband and I have been married 6 years and have 4 children under 5. He is a wonderful christian man and leader of our home. He is excellent with the children. But it just tries me nuts when he spend hours playing his computer. I guess I see it as a lazy activity and I could really use a hand around the house(which is very busy). He helps me with the children but does very little to help me maintain the house. Is it a selfish demand or an irritating behavior this chess playing? I have been praying about this situatiion for over a year and I could really use some sound wisdom from someone.

Hi<P>I've had 3 kids under 5 so all I need to do is multiply by a third and know how busy it is. Back in those days, long ago, my H's thing was listening to music. It used to drive me nuts too. I'd been running all day, changing diapers, wiping noses, fixing lunches, dinners, snacks, yada yada yada.<P>Because my H had been gone and I didn't see what he had been going through it didn't register with me. His was not a stress-free day either. Your husband needs some down time. If you can find a way for this time to be spent together, you will be much happier. Can you rent a video to watch after the kids are in bed? Does he like to play cribbage, scrabble? You need some down time too. Kids take up enormous amounts of energy.<P>Finally there are lots of men do much more reprehesible things on the computer than playing chess. I recognize your frustration, but remember it could be a whole lot worse.<P>Take care and take some time for fun.

wife,<P>Sounds like the two of you might benefit from filling out the emotional needs questionaire found on this site. Go to the home page then click on "Basic Concepts". Read about emotional needs, fill out the questionaire and discuss it together. From there you two can use the Policy of Joint Agreement (another basic concept) to develop a plan so that both of you get the support and love you need from each other. Be sure to check out the topic of Love Busting too!