In our family I work full time and pay all the bills. My wife doesn't work and has no children to take care of. I have provided her with a nice car so she can get around. I have a van I use for work. I wash and wax both vehicles and keep them gassed up. She says she can't pump gas. <P>I take my van in for oil changes and when it needs repairs. But I feel the least she can do is take her car into the garage when it needs to be worked on or needs an oil change since she has a lot more free time than I do. But anytime her car needs to be worked on there is a big fight as to who is going to take it to the garage. I pay for all the repairs. <P>She tells me that all the other husbands she knows of take their wives' cars to the garage for repairs and that it isn't a woman's job to do that.<P>So I am just curious and would like to hear from some of you ladies. Do you think I am being unfair asking her to take her car into the shop when it needs work or would you suggest that I should handle that for her? How does it work in your family?<P>Thanks<P>

Man, she has it way too good!!!<BR>I think she should definately be taking some of the responsibility. There is one thing you should point out to her thats is very important, what if one day you were gone, she would not be independent enough to anything on her own. I had a sister who was married and had 3 kids, her husband paid all the bills took care of all the vehicles etc, he died in a car accident and she was totally lost, she didn't have a clue on what to do for anything. Thank goodness my dad was around to help her otherwise I don't know what would of happened. She now says how important it is to be involved in all those kinds of decisions, and to be independent. I am sure your wife thinks that its a man thing and you should be doing it, but sounds like she has very little responsibility and doesn't appreciate all that you do for her. I mean what is the big deal to take it in, I don't get that. You should definately make her realize all though it is just a small thing to take the car in those small things are important for her to have some independence and to know that if she ended up alone for whatever reason that she would be able to handle repairs without being ripped off by mechanics who take advantage of people who don't have a clue what they are doing. Good luck!

Hi Sai,<P>I have a different perspective, and may get some flak for it...<P>but, as a woman, I would be thrilled to never have to take a car into a garage ever again. I don't want to perpetuate stereotypes, but I know absolutely nothing about cars, and I'm sure as soon as I walk in the sound of cash registers ringing fills the mechanic's ears. Yes, you'll die someday, and then what? Well, then she'll have to take the car in herself assuming 1) she outlives you 2) you die young enough that she's still living on her own and not in a nursing facility. After you die she might start dating or learn to live without a husband's affection, but do you want her to start practicing for that now too? Death brings changes, cross that bridge when you get to it.<P>The "can't" pump gas thing confuses me. I have no problem filling my own tank. Is she a very feminine woman? Raised with specific ideas about what is and is not ladylike? Rather than battle your wife over this issue, talk it out to find out what underlies her reluctance to take care of her car.<P>My short answer: take her car to the garage for her, she'll learn to cope if you die first, and think about the things she does for you that you'd need to learn after she dies. Do you know how to sort laundry? Calm a fussy baby? Get mildew off your shower tile? (I again apologize to those offended by gender role stereotypes)!

I have a question, what did your wife do before you were together, who pumped her gas, took her car in etc.? Was she ever responsible for her own finances? <BR>Ya, you could wait to worry about it when your gone in regards to being independent, but if someone has been living like that for years and years it would be very difficult if they had to all of a sudden become independent. Why would anybody want to live there life with no independence is beyond me. I feel it also can cause problems in a relationship in regards to the money issue.<BR>

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I am afraid that I have spoiled my wife a bit. Maybe it is that I am not so great with words and have always felt that actions speak louder than words.<P>From the time we got married I sort of killed her with kindness, you know breakfast in bed kind of stuff.<P>We have always shared shores around the house. I make my own breakfast and lunch and cook at least 50% of the meals and do 50% of the dishes. I shop for groceries, vaccum the house, take trash out, clean the bathrooms.<P>I think all she really does is wash the clothes and dust and maybe make 4 meals a week and wash dishes a couple of times. <P>Really I don't mind doing those things either. But when you do so much and it is not appreciated and she still tries to put more on me, I think it is time to reconsider what it means to share.<P>The big problem about me taking the car to the mechanic is that I need my van for work and when I am done working the mechanics are closed. Saturday there are really other things I should be doing rather that spending my time in the garage.<P>Anyway just wanted to get some thoughts from others on the matter.<P>Thanks.

Fed up, <P>I grabbed her from the craddle when she was 18 and month after she graduated from high school. <P>No she never had to pump gas herself, her Dad just gave her the credit card and said "get what you want". She has no concept of what it is to pay a bill. <P>On the other hand she was mature for her age as her mother had died when she was 10 and she and her sisters had to fend for themselves at home. She was and is a hard worker, but she devotes all of her energy to things she wants to do.