Well... when it comes to the one subject which is the source of irritation for both of us, he will not discuss it. The subject? What he pays his ex wife in support. It's a fortune. <P>When they split, she was making very little. He gave her the house, took all the debt and agreed to give her 3k a month in support for her and the two kids (now 19 and 15). Well, now that he's married again, our new mortgage is over 2x that of his ex. We have a new son, and he has to commute 70 miles each way to his job. His ex has a new job. She's making about $50k a month, and with what he's paying her, she's actually bringing home considerably more than he is. I tried to point out to him now that the situation is inequitable. But he gives me this "he made an agreement" crap. Yeah, I respect that he keeps his word. But - her ability to provide more towards the support of herself and her kids has substantially increased.<P>The 19 year old daughter works a great deal and makes a good amount of money. The order states that support ends at 19, but because "he agreed" to pay until she was 21, that is what he intends to do.<P>I'm worried now how to make next months bills while his ex *generously* offers to pay for a ticket for my husband and their son to go to a hockey game. Why not? She can afford it.<P>I don't sleep. Can't sleep for the worry. But he asks me constantly what is wrong. So I make up things to tell him because any discussion of his "agreement" is taboo. Well, today I told him that any money he gave his ex after the eldest child's 19 birthday was going to be characterized as spousal support for tax purposes. He immediately sent her a letter asking her to check it out. Why he has to kiss up to her and insist she check it out is beyond me. <P>I tell him that the money we give his ex comes from me as well. He has told me to let it go that it is not productive and will damage our relationship. He has no idea how upset I am by all of this. Damage our relationship? How much more damage could there be? I've just been told not to discuss it with him, so I turn to strangers to pour our my distress. That's what he has reduced me to. It's not that I don't respect the opinions here, I just resent very deeply that while he asks me in all sincerity what is bothering me, he refuses to discuss it once he knows.<P>I told him that wasn't fair. Now he's angry at me for bringing it up again.<P>So I guess I just do nothing. Stress over paying the bills and sit here with a gag order on discussion about what's really bothering me. Oh well, I've never had an ulcer before, I guess that will be a new experience. Wonder what other kinds of neat stuff I can expect from the stress and anxiety and now inability to discuss.<P>We promised each other we would always have open communication. He just broke that promise to me.<P>I am just very angry. Sorry this is so long.

Does your husband understand that you are having trouble paying bills because of his more than generous agreement? If you are in charge of the bill-paying, why not turn it over to him, and let him try to juggle the figures? It would get you out of the middle of the turmoil, and it would let him see what you are saying is right! <BR> I am convinced that a big part of this forum is just getting a chance to vent. So, maybe its better that we are all strangers. <BR> Your hubby must feel very guilty about some aspect of his divorce and the daughter, and the big money may help him relieve his feelings somewhat. That subject may be entertaining to delve into.<BR> One way to look at it, is only 2 more years, and you're done with it. It's not that far away. When you get real upset, try to find something else to do that works as a release for you. For me, the computer is it. So, it's pretty easy why I'm down here, in my basement, writing letters to strangers at midnight!!! You could try shopping, letter-writing, playing an instrument, jogging, whatever. It isn't really a dumb idea. If you find the right thing, it works quite well.<BR> I have been down the road you are on. It is so upsetting. My husband's son from the other marriage was arrested and sent to prison. His ex fooled around with appeals, and we had to pay child support for jerky 19-year-old, for almost another year before he was emancipated. <BR> Maybe once your husband has the "opportunity" to juggle the books, you may be able to talk to him. He may understand. Good luck.