Okay, here goes....<P>I've been married for almost 2 1/2 years. When my husband and I were dating and engaged, it was understood that he was going to go back to school to obtain his law degree. I was fine with that. He had completed a Master's degree before our marriage and worked a year. Then after 7 months of marriage, he was accepted to a law school out of state, so I pulled up roots from a state where I was born and raised. I left all my friends and family to follow my husband in his career goals since that was his "dream" before he even met me. I was fine with it. I missed my family and was totally miserable for a while, then it got better. Well, after the first semester of law school he decided it wasn't "right" for him, so he quit and went back to Seminary. Now, he isn't going to be a minister, he wants the degree. He graduates next month, has no direction in which he wants to go in except Active Duty military as a chaplain. I have a well paying job as a computer programmer and I'm expected to "pull-up" again and move with his whim. I'm so disoriented. I feel that I was misled from the beginning. When we were dating and engaged, the ministry was a part-time thing he did with the National Guard. It was never brought up to be a full-time thing. I was fine with that. I'm a Christian and I have a great deal of faith, but I also feel that only certain women are called to be pastor's wives. I don't feel called to be a pastor's wife. But that wasn't an issue when we first met because he was determined to be a lawyer. So, now I'm expected to just do whatever and go whereever he wants to go. I don't think that is fair! I feel like I was lied to and that I really don't know who I'm married to anymore! Also, I feel neglected and ignored most of the time. Either he is busy with school work or some other thing with the National Guard or whatever. He never really has time for me. He complains that I just sit and watch TV and don't talk to him, but if I had anything else to do besides watch TV, I'd gladly turn it off! He turns my words around and uses my actions against me. What am I supposed to do? My mother is is poor health is about to have surgery. I'm going to help her for a week pretty soon and feel that it is a good time for us to be apart and reflect. I just don't think I'm getting out of this marriage what I put into it. I support him both financially and emotionally, but I'm not getting anything in return. He can't work because he has a 3-hour round-trip commute everyday, but he also has no plans for the future. I just feel so overwhelmed and basically taken advantage of! Help me someone!

Well, I can only offer empathy, not advice. My situation is similar to yours. My spouse (a Brit) kept information from me about what she needed in order to be happy. She expects me to pull up stakes and move to a completely different country, because she simply can't be happy living in the United States (she lived here for 15 years before she met me, so it wasn't as if she hadn't had plenty of time to make up her mind about things). You would have thought that I was entitled to know this before committing to marriage and children, but no. (When I confront her with this, she tells me that she only discovered her true feelings about where she wanted to live AFTER the wedding vows were taken. Yeah, right). And she accuses me of "failing to communicate"! So now I'm an insensitive, selfish scoundrel because I won't pull up stakes and relocate (notwithstanding my inability to find a decent job over there). How am I supposed to support a family of four? A trivial consideration, from my wife's perspective.

Thanks for your reply! Things have gone from bad to worse here. We can't talk because his uncle is here for the WEEKEND for a visit. I never agreed to this visit because his uncle make me VERY uncomfortable. My husband is used to moving around, being very fluid with is life. He has been a student most of his life and has never really had a job. He's soon to be 28! I on the other hand have worked since the age of 15. I'm feeling alot of resentment and anger. I don't really even want to look at him. I feel like I'm withdrawing, but he has no idea why! We go through this same thing every few months. I decide to "let up" and forget about it, then something sparks my resentment and frustration again. He thinks we get things worked out and everything is okay again. He doesn't even consider moving back to my hometown where we would both have support of friends and my family. I don't talk to anyone about our problems. That is why I HAD to come here this time. Anyone that I could talk to would be judgemental and tell me to leave him. I've been told that I'm being used as a "meal ticket" and to pay back his enormous student loans (over $50,000). I'm beginning to believe it all! Sometimes I want out so bad, but then I think, no one else would want me and I'd been looked upon as a complete failure. I'm so sick to my stomach and depressed. I can't function! I'm supposed to go away this weekend to visit a friend who just had a baby, I'm afraid that I won't be able to enjoy it.