I'm sure this topic has been discussed many times before and will be many more times after my post.<P>We've been married for several years now and holidays still provide a high level of stress between us. <P>It's gotten to a point where we are going to spend holidays with our families separately. Which I don't like it one bit. When we married we both gained a family and we should be together when visiting each one. But my spouse doesn't seem to see it that way. We have our first child on the way and I see the stress level exploding when it comes time to "pick" whom the child will go with.<P>A major reason for this confilct is that we have a limited amount of time to spend on holidays and neither of our families want to get the short end of the deal and have us spend only a few hours with them. They each want all of our time with them for every holiday. <P>We've tried splitting holidays, spending it with one family then switching to the other family the next year but both families still complain that they don't think it's fair, even thought it was suggested by them. I thought that splitting the holidays sounded like a good idea.<P>I love my spouse with all my heart and I would hate to end up splitting up just because of these holidays. <P>How have others resolved this? Bringing both families together is an option that has been discussed but rejected. <P>Thanks for your time.

This is a very frustrating problem. I have 2 kids and we both have families that live about 8 hours away that live 10 minutes from eachother. Every xmas my MIL causes a scene and makes us feel guilty b/c we dont' spend enough time with her ( even though we spend way more time at her house than at my parents). It makes it very difficult especially with the kids. I have a big family and only see them once a year and feel very bad when my MIL demands all of our time. My parents dont' say anything as I don't think they have a place to say anything anyways, they wouldn't put a guilt trip on me b/c they know that they can come visit us too, and that doing such a thing is immature. We have come to the conclusion that it is more important to spend our holidays with eachother and stay at home b/c it just causes too much stress on us and on our kids. This We too for a while did things seperately to satisy my MIL but it only did more harm than good. I think that the only way to solve this is to split it 50 - 50 straight down the middle or not at all. Therefore there is no way they can say - you spent more time with them blah blah blah, and stick to it even if they complain - they will get over it. <BR>What is important is that you should make sure you put you and your husband and your child first. Your parents are grown ups and they should behave as grown ups without putting guilt trips on you - that is just so unfair! You have enough to deal with in your life without that. <BR>How far away do you live from both sets of parents?<BR>Good luck - I know it is a tough one to deal with.

I would suggest that you hold a family get together at your house. I know it's a lot of work and effort, but sooner or later the parents of you two should be able to share holidays together. It's not fair of them to put the burden on your shoulders. <P>We also have experienced this...except worse, because both sets of my grandparents are still alive and holding family get togethers. Unfortunately, it took the death of my mother for her parents and my father's parents to start spending the holidays together. It ended a 30 year "us against them" attitude. <P>Things have changed for us now because we've moved away and one set of grandparents has also moved to be closer to their son. <P>But "fed up" was right about the family needing to deal with this as adults. If one or the other isn't willing to make the effort to take the strain off you and come to your house (bringing a dish of their own) then they've made their decision. <P>Your family comes first now. You, your husband and your child(ren). <P>