After reading through, I believe, each page of Dr. Harley's website, I found nothing on the topic of domestic violence. <P>My husband has an extremely violent temper and is given to rages at any topic of conversation that displeases him at the moment. He has four children from a previous marriage (adopted), and my two children from a previous marriage are in their mid-20s and gone from home. We still have to discuss subjects like his ex-wife, his children's visitation, demands made from his ex-wife, etc. The last altercation we had was only 8 days of my being out of the hospital for major surgery. He kicked me, I threw a lamp, he got cut, and I got arrested because he had "blood" and my injuries weren't apparent (except for the massive bruise on my hip that was present for over a month).<P>I have tried every method you could imagine to have a discussion with my husband about the important matters in our lives. Dr. Harley's is the 9th site I've researched, and I have implemented as many methods as have been suggested for trying to have a conversation with my husband that will not result in his going into a rage, throwing something, hitting me, or worrying that he will do something that will be permanent. I am currently in an INTERACT program for victims of domestic violence. But my husband is refusing to receive any counseling.<P>I will appreciate and be grateful for any insight, suggestion, or advice you may have for me.<P>Katherine Montoya

Oh you peskyWabbit...<P>You've got more reading to do, apparently. In the "Q&A" section there are a huge collection of articles, under various categories.<P>I'd point you the section of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5505_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>Negotiation in Marriage</A> which has several letters on domestic abuse and violence situations.<P>But reading these articles probably won't give you any magic answers. The telephone counseling provide by Dr. Harley's "kids" (Steve and Jennifer) is very good---888-639-1639. They use a behavioral approach, and I've found them very effective. You might want to give them a call.

Thank you vewwy vewwy much. I thought I'd clicked on every highlighted sight within the bodies of text.... I've been in the site since 7:30 this morning, and left it about 12:30 (eastern time). I did, however, print off almost a ream of paper so I could re-read the sites I missed.<P>I will, however, certainly go through the negotiating aspects.<P>Thanks again for your reply!

Trying to negotiate with a violent spouse is like trying to negotiate with a terrorist. Statistics show that few men who abuse their wives change. If you're still with him, you are there for the wrong reasons. Muster up all the courage you can and all the support you can and GET YOURSELF OUT OF HARM'S WAY! I'm glad you're in an INTERACT program. Please stay with it.